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Wednesday, June 25:
Proverbs 29:18 - Where there is no vision, the people perish.

We are, by nature, a people of vision. It is in our genes. In the seventeenth century people arrived on the Atlantic shores from ancient and established civilizations. We can imagine the riches of a new land that greeted them, but we tend to forget the actuality of being plunged into a totally primitive existence in an unfamiliar place where the elements were unforgiving and often deadly. Entire colonies disappeared, ravaged by disease, the elements or starvation. But people continued to come, propelled by a vision.

In the eighteenth century the framers of our republic crafted the documents that would provide the foundation of our society. They expressed noble truths that they knew for certain would not bear fruit in their own lifetimes, but this did not deter them from their vision - and we became a nation.

Throughout the nineteenth century people of vision pushed westward through nearly unimagineable trial and hardship, propelled by a vision that once again was not necessarily for themselves, but rather a hope of what the future might hold for their children's childen.

During the twentieth century we fought wars that threatened the very fabric of civilization. We struggled to achieve equality for genders and races. And even as some of those struggles continue today we can understand that many gave their entire lives for the vision that those who followed them would be able to enjoy the freedoms and the peace that they themselves would never know.

Vision has been bred into us for four hundred years. We are a people of vision.

Yet even with this heritage, during the first decade of the twenty-first century we seem to have lost our prophets, our visionaries and our dreamers. They have been supplanted by the shill, the con artist and the grifter. We have, in a very short period of time, given up completely on the vision of what we might be able to craft for our progeny, trading it for immediate self-gratification, acquisition of personal wealth - and entertainment.

Perhaps the first manifestation of this sea change was the dot com phenomenon. The internet was expanding exponentially and the lure of quick profit became a madness. It wasn't necessary for a budding internet operation to have a solid business plan - or even a rational idea of how it would make a profit. With the realization that money follows money, investors poured cash into anything related to the internet. Many of them did not understand what they were doing - but many did. The idea was to pump the phenomenon fast and hard...and get out before anyone started asking the hard questions. The term for the concept is gaming the system. And the dot com system was gamed until it inevitably tipped over; those who understood what was going on became rich, while those who did not lost everything.

In essence, we became a casino society. When the dot com casino was sucked dry, the real estate market became the casino. Housing prices soared well beyond the means of the average person, but mortgage brokers and financial institutions convinced the gullible and hopeful that they, too, could grab a piece of the pie. Families with mid five digit incomes bought mid six digit homes, convinced that they could get in, grab their piece of the action and get out before it all collapsed. Some did. Many did not.

Meanwhile, Enron gamed the electricity markets in much the same way. The few at the top walked away unharmed while many lost everything - and all of us paid the bill. And now that the housing casino is inexorably collapsing, the latest flim-flam has become the oil market, where your retirement fund administrators are pouring your future pension dollars into oil futures - money following money - hoping they'll be able to yank out a heavy profit before it, too, folds.

If individuals did these things they would be arrested for running a pyramid operation - a Ponzi scheme. But when corporations and organizations do it, it's called free market enterprize. Perhaps without even knowing it, we have become a nation of gamblers rather than a people of vision. And the hard and fast truth about gambling is that the house always wins. Yet we continue to gamble. We continue to be attracted by the shill, the con, the flim-flam.

Our politicians have followed the action. They have observed how effective the con can be and have adapted to it effortlessly. They are astute enough to know the difference between what we say we want and what we actually want, so they employ the appropriate words and phrases that assure us they're not running a con - and they run the con. But we cannot blame our politicians - the blame is ours. We demand that our politicians be honest; we badger them to tell us the truth. But if they actually have the temerity to tell us the truth we recoil in shock and horror as the truth forces us to confront our prejudices and frailties. We recognize that the process of maturing and acquiring wisdom is evidenced when we realize that what we once believed to be wise and proper has, through our accumulation of additional information, proven to be faulty or incomplete...and we adjust our views based on our newly acquired knowledge. But we have adopted the stance that this very process of growth, progress and wisdom, if evidenced by our politicians, must be called flip-flopping or waffling - and we punish them severely whenever we catch them at it.

Rather than offer us vision, they offer us a gas tax holiday. They know it's a con; most of us know it's a con. But cons are attractive. We want to believe we can knock all the milk bottles over. We want to believe the wheel isn't weighted, the cards aren't marked. So we buy the con. And the con can be elaborate. We can have an entire war with (almost) nobody even noticing it. So a few thousand young men and women are slaughtered. Pay no attention ladies and gentlemen - we're Winning! We can run an entire government and continue to spend what is now trillions of dollars without even asking you to pay for it - as a matter of fact, we'll even give you some money back. Never mind that the bill will come due to your great-great grandchildren - you're having a good time, aren't you? And that's what it's all about, isn't it?

And so the casino model rolls on, relentlessly becoming the persona of the early part of the twenty-first century. The wealthy become wealthier, the powerful become more powerful, and the ordinary citizen, blinded by the allure of the con, never quite comes to grips with the fact that the house always wins. The con is built again and again, always collapsing as it must, leaving untold devastation in its wake, but unfailingly enriching those who run the con.

The only threat to the casino nation is in our genes. It is vision. The only thing that can stop the relentless slash-and-burn of the con is the memory of the value of vision - and a conscious decision to place our vision once more above all else. Offshore drilling, tax stimulus checks and unregulated markets are the small payouts that keep us pumping coins into the slot - and prevent us from reclaiming our vision. If we do not soon return to an allegiance to a vision of what the future will hold for our children's children we are about to discover that they will have no future.

We must seek out leaders with vision - not vision for tomorrow of for the next quarter or the next decade; but a vision for our nation one hundred years from now - a hundred and fifty years and two hundred years from now. We must grasp that working toward the realization of that vision is more important than our immediate comfort, our personal pleasure - even our own lives. And we must realize that a vision such as commiting our children to a hundred years of military presence in the Middle East as we try to salvage the greatest blunder in the history of our republic is not a vision at all - it is a nightmare.

We have abandoned our vision for the lure of the con. A decade of this abandonment should be enough to demonstrate to us that we have quite literally sold our birthright and must now begin to undo what - in our madness - we have done. We must return to being guided by our vision.

Because where there is no vision, the people perish.

Wednesday, June 18:I happened upon a neat little article on Slate.com last night by Christopher Beam. Mr. Beam had a wonderful idea I wish I would have thought of myself. But since I didn't, I wanted to include it here. Rather than tossing you through a link (and hoping that Mr. Beam and Slate don't mind), here's the article:
"The Barack Obama presidential campaign introduced a new site last week, FightTheSmears.com, that it hopes will debunk persistent myths about the senator: that he's a Muslim, that he won't say the Pledge of Allegiance, etc. As we have argued before, restating the myths often reinforces them, no matter how persuasively they've been refuted.
Rather than restate untruths about Obama, the campaign would do better to start some rumors of its own. Here's a template e-mail the Obama campaign might consider disseminating.
From: [Redacted]
To: [Redacted]
Subject: WHO IS BARACK OBAMA?
There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.
Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.
Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.
A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.
Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.
Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.
Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.
There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.
Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.
Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.
Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.
Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.
Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.
Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME."
While I didn't come up with the idea, I thought of several rumors that could be added to such an email campaign. After all, if they believe what's out there already the sky's the limit, wouldn't you agree? Here's a few of my own contributions:
Michelle Obama has sung the NATIONAL ANTHEM at the opening of fifty-seven CHICAGO CUBS games over the past eight years. Many of these can be viewed on YouTube.
Barack Obama's most cherished POSSESSION (not counting the BIBLE given to him by BILLY GRAHAM and his SMITH & WESSON 9mm nickel plated Custom Engraved Model 559) is his collection of DALE EARNHARDT memorabilia.
Barack Obama does not have a favorite SPORTS TEAM but instead always roots for whichever team has the largest AMERICAN FLAG flying over its stadium.
Michelle Obama's role model is VANNA WHITE. Her lifelong ambition has been to appear as BETTY WHITE'S partner on the game show PASSWORD.
Barack Obama's first JOB as a young man was as a member of the CHICAGO touring company of UP WITH PEOPLE.
Barack Obama's DIET consists chiefly of BEER (Bud, Hamms or PBR) and FRIED PORK RINDS.
Barack Obama is mentioned - by name - seventeen times in the BIBLE. Among the PROPHECIES about him is this one in ISAIAH 32:21-27: "And it shall come to pass that a man shall appear, dark of countenance and tall of stature, from the great city on the shores of the Sea of Michigan, and his name shall be called Obama. Under his reign peace shall come to the nations, the Western kingdom shall prosper, and gasoline will sell for $1.29 per cubic cubit. And when all this has come to pass the Cubs shall win the World Series. Selah."
The WORLD must know the TRUTH about BARACK OBAMA. Forward this email immediately to twenty of your closest friends. DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! A woman in PARMA forwarded this email to fifty of her friends and the following day won the INDIANAPOLIS 500. A man in TULSA deleted the email and BROKE THE CHAIN. Two days later his pet FERRET spontaneously combusted, tried to escape from its FLAMING FUR under his bed, and his ENTIRE HOME was lost in the ensuing blaze.
I could add more, but I'll let you come up with your own. Feel free to toss this out there. Ah, the power of the internet - isn't it a magnificent thing?

Wednesday, June 4: On Racism, Sexism and the Democratic Primary: The Democratic Party primaries and caucuses are finally and thankfully over. We now have - I sincerely hope - a definitive nominee - Senator Barack Obama. But the rancor and ill-will that has marked (marred) this process continues, and I fear it will continue for some time to come. Unless and until we are able to come to grips with our true selves and our true motivations I fear that there remains a strong possibility that our individual and collective weaknesses have the potential to completely destroy the promise the upcoming election holds for our nation.

The trouble is that we rarely, if ever, are comfortable conducting an open and honest evaluation of ourselves and our motivations. But unless we do, we will continue to be driven by baser motives that will ultimately serve only to tear us apart. Maybe my words and observations will be helpful - maybe they won't. But if there is even the smallest hope that I might be able to contribute to an honest evaluation or a deeper insight, then I at least have to try - so here goes.

There are two related questions I want to address: (1) Did sexism (overt or covert) destroy Senator Clinton's campaign? (2) Did racism impact Senator Obama's campaign - and will it have an impact on his candidacy?

Did Sexism Destroy Senator Clinton's Campaign? The short answer - No. Now for the reasoning behind the short answer.

First, there is the personal experience element. I work with a rather eclectic group of people from all sorts of backgrounds, but if you wanted to pigeonhole the lot, you would have to say that it is a predominantly male, predominantly working-class group. We talk about many things and I hear many opinions - ranging from the insightful, reality based to the off-the-wall, mindless. I will tell you that throughout this long process of primaries, while I have heard any number of strange assertions about all the candidates, I have never once heard anyone object to Clinton's candidacy based on her gender. Not once. I have to admit that this is quite a surprise. I fully expected that I'd encounter some of that - but I've witnessed none.

True, there are many who have expressed an intense dislike for Clinton, but it has been consistently based on the fact that she is a Clinton rather than the fact that she is a female. I predicted as much very early in my journaling when I first began to talk about the various candidates seeking the Democratic Party nomination. Way back then I wrote that I didn't feel Clinton would be a wise choice for the nominee because there exists such a large contingent of people out there possessed of an intense, irrational hatred for the Clintons that by the time the election rolled around they would have a significant portion of the voting public convinced that while her husband was in office she was spending her time sacrificing babies during midnight ceremonies on the White House lawn. It was this hatred - which has nothing whatsoever to do with her gender - that I believed would make her unelectable.

Second, there is the evidence of the internet. The internet has become an invaluable source of information. It has also, through the phenomena of blogs and reader feedback, served to expose the absolute worst of who we are. If you want to despair about the potential of our society as a whole, just spend some time reading through the responses people contribute(?) to articles posted on various news websites. Many of them are totally incoherent - and most of them are essentially vile expressions of hatred, intolerance, prejudice and ignorance.

Yet here, in what has come - at least in my mind - to represent a cross section of humanity at its very worst, I have found little if any evidence of sexism - even sexism couched in some other rationale - directed at Clinton. An excellent example of the point can be found on Snopes.com, a website devoted to addressing a continually growing body of urban legend, myth and rumor. Snopes has a section dealing with politics, and within that section it has separate subsections dealing with rumors about major political figures. If you examine the entries concerning the Clintons, you will find that of the many scurrilous attacks that have circulated over the past decade or so, there is only one that could be construed as sexist - and that was a silly bit that long predated the primaries.

The fact is that, contrary to what one might expect, the ugly face of sexism directed at Clinton hasn't shown itself - even on the internet - during this campaign. Notice how I phrased that, because sexism has indeed appeared, but not as I would have expected. It may be difficult to believe, but the vast majority of the sexist remarks and attitudes I've encountered have not been aimed at Clinton, but rather directed at others in her defense...by her own supporters!

A representative sample of this bizzarre phenomenon can be witnessed in an article posted at the New York Observer not long ago. The article, by a Steve Kornacki, was about Nancy Pelosi. Mr. Kornacki came to the not-unsupportable conclusion that Pelosi's insistence that the party needed to come together quickly behind a candidate constituted an implied endorsement of Senator Obama. The sexism I mentioned was not in the article, but rather in the responses of readers to that article. Here's a sampling of those responses (I hope you're ready for this):

"Nancy Pelosi should get new dentures and ease up on the plastic surgery."
"She is for Obama because the idea of a smarter woman above her freaks the bitch out."
"[Pelosi] is a San Francisco liberal putz. She has zero leadership skills. She couldn't lead a whore to bed."
"Nancy needs to quit dying her hair. It's obvious that she's older than dirt."
"Nancy is jealous of Hillary. I cannot believe she's still supporting Obama after all has come to light. He hates America and he hates whites. Period...Hillary Clinton is the one to lead this country right now."
"Nancy is a dog. You people supporting Obama/Wright are disgusting."
"Nancy holds the most powerful position that any woman has ever had in our government and she doesn't want to lose that distinction to Hillary. It's a 'woman thing'. Of course she wants the man to win. It wouldn't matter what man as long as she keeps her position as 'top woman'."

I could offer many more (and even worse), but that's enough to clearly illustrate the basis for my observation.

Additionally, this is but one example of the sexism I have witnessed from Clinton's own supporters. A notable instance occured during the North Carolina primaries. The governor of that state, while announcing his support of Clinton, attested with admiration to her terrific set of cojones. Just to be sure I took this as I should, I consulted my wife - who is about as solidly and rationally feminist as anyone I have ever met. She confirmed my assumption that yes, this was a terribly sexist remark and should have been taken by the candidate as an insult. If, in one's praise for a female candidate, one lauds that candidate by asserting she has testicles, one is demeaning both the candidate and women in general - clearly implying that in order to be a strong, competent female candidate she must possess male characteristics.The governor could have said she had guts or, more delicately, intestinal fortitude. He could have said she had an indomitable spirit. But he said, in effect, she had balls. That should rightly be seen by any female to be a sexist, demeaning insult.

Finally, there is an acknowledged and large body of women who have been stridently pro Clinton for the clearly stated reason that she is female. Were a large group of men to support a candidate specifically because the candidate was male, this would clearly be understood as sexist. Yet as Clinton was the beneficiary of this sort of gender loyalty it seemed nobody was willing to name it as sexist. I am willing - that sort of support of any candidate is pure, certifiable sexism.

On to the next question: Has there been racism evident regarding Senator Obama? Again, the short answer first: Yes.

Not only evident, but nearly rampant. Again, I'll turn to the internet resource of Snopes.com. As with Clinton, you will find a section devoted to rumors about Obama. While there were no campaign related sexist issues evident in regard to Clinton, there are a multitude of both covertly and overtly racist entries regarding Obama. Take a look for yourself - it's really quite disgusting. I've mentioned a few of them before here, but there is a large and continuously growing list.

But perhaps the classic is an editorial piece written by Geraldine Ferraro and published in the May 30th edition of the Boston Globe. In her fever to substantiate the sexism she believes has been directed toward Clinton, Ferraro comes up with some of the most amazing justifications of racism I've ever seen. To illustrate, let me offer just one paragraph of what she wrote:

"As for Reagan Democrats, how Clinton was treated is not their issue. They are more concerned with how they have been treated. Since March, when I was accused of being racist for a statement I made about the influence of blacks on Obama's historic campaign, people have been stopping me to express a common sentiment: If you're white you can't open your mouth without being accused of being racist. They see Obama's playing the race card throughout the campaign and no one calling him for it as frightening. They're not upset with Obama because he's black; they're upset because they don't expect to be treated fairly because they're white. It's not racism that is driving them, it's racial resentment. And that is enforced because they don't believe he understands them and their problems. That when he said in South Carolina after his victory "Our Time Has Come" they believe he is telling them that their time has passed."

Give that a minute to sink in. I'll highlight just a couple of her demented points. First, the sentiment "If you're white you can't open your mouth without being acused of being racist." I've heard that same sentiment in the past. It invariably comes from someone distraught at the fact that it is no longer acceptable in most social settings in our nation for them to tell a racist joke. It is, in other words, the chronic complaint of a racist.

Second: "It's not racism that is driving them, it's racial resentment." I'd like to ask her what she perceives as the difference between racism and racial resentment, but I'm sure she would spout something in the way of rationale that would be as mind-numbingly perverse as the statement itself. I'd detail her intentional misquoting of Obama at the end of the paragraph in order to prop up yet another straw man, but at this point I've given Ms. Ferraro far more space than she deserves.

The central evidence of racism in this campaign is the one that absolutely no one has had the courage to address. The media talking heads have run circles around it, but none of them have dared to identify it for what it is. I'm talking about the primary results themselves - particularly the midwestern results. I'm talking about those voters who, with Clinton's volunteering of a convenient platitudinous label, have been identified as "working class white people" that for some strange reason Obama could not seem to win.

I can talk about this with a bit of authority, because I lived most of my life in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Illinois - and Jonna lived much of hers in Indiana and Missouri. We know the midwest very, very well. Some of you believe that the long struggle for racial equality in this country has come to an end - that we no longer suffer under the racial stereotypes and prejudices of the past. Would that it were so. You may be quite shocked to know that - in 2008 - there still exist many small towns scattered generously throughout this part of the country (and others as well) where, if you are driving through - especially at night - and you are black, you dare not stop if you value your safety. When we left that part of the country in 2000, it was still not uncommon at estate sales to see Klan paraphernalia and memorabilia offered up for auction. While few churches are overt in their prejudice, it is more than common that black visitors to white churches will be left with no doubts about how stridently unwelcome they are. In other words, there remain large sections of this country where whatever racial civility may exist is only a very thin veneer - and some places where even the veneer is absent. And to state it clearly, the "working class white people" designation is a genteel way to avoid calling this demographic what it actually is - racist.

Few will have the courage to admit what they are - although I have in fact heard a few during exit polls over the past many months who at least had the honesty to openly state that they would not vote for a black person. It is this racist element that has accounted for much of Clinton's support in the primaries. It became almost amusing watching the pundits pretend to be stunned by Clinton's strong showing in Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Kentucky, etc. when we all knew the root of that strong showing - and knew that no broadcaster would dare name it.

And whether individuals are able to admit it - to themselves or others - racism will be the only true impetus for those who will cross over in the general election and vote for McCain. Cut all the crap and get right down to it: the positions Clinton and Obama espoused as the primaries unfolded were extremely similar, from the war to the economy to health care to international relations. For someone to have supported Clinton and subsequently vote for McCain in the general elections can only have a very limited number of justifications:

1. All the policies with which they claimed to have identified over the past year really aren't important to them at all - they've had a sudden revelation and now consider the Republican platform to be far superior.

2. They have somehow managed to convince themselves that Obama is in fact a radical Muslim Manchurian Candidate who is bent on destroying the United States (although this is almost certainly a smokescreen for their racism).

3. In the Democratic primary, their sexism was easier to overcome than their racism - they'd vote for a woman before they'd vote for a black. No longer having that option, they will sooner vote for a white person who represents essentially everything they believe is presently wrong with this country rather than vote for a black person who shares their views, their hopes and their aspirations.

I'm sorry if you find this harsh, but I sincerely believe that someone has to start saying it. If we continue to pretend that racism is not still a major problem in our nation we will never be able to resolve the problem. And if we don't start calling it when we see it in the political process we stand to lose yet another election and yet another opportunity to turn things around in Washington.

So, with the strong undercurrent of racism still roiling through our country, how could Clinton possibly have lost the nomnation to Obama? I think I can offer several reasons, having the advantage of living with someone who first of all fits the demographic of the classic Clinton supporter - an over 60 female - and second of all observing the devolution of her support over the past year. At the beginning of the primaries Jonna was totally supportive of Clinton, but her support continually eroded through the campaign until, by spring, she became one of those who declared that if Clinton managed to claim the nomination she would refrain from voting in the general election. There are many reasons for this unrelenting slide - but Clinton has no one to blame but herself. Some of the principal reasons:

1. She began her campaign highlighting above all else her prodigious experience in government. It is a wonder that nobody within her campaign understood that at this particular time, running on experience was a terrible idea. It was clear from the 2006 mid term elections that people were fed up to their ears with their government and were demanding more and more stridently that our legislators turn the page. Running on your years of experience tells voters that you have been part of the problems in which we find ourselves mired all along. If you have been part of the problem, why should we believe that you can become part of the solution?

2. She campaigned in the style of an old-fashioned, glad-handing politician - the very thing people are sick to death of. She constructed a primarily negative campaign, relying heavily on attack ads. Such campaigning may still be able to sway some people, but once again people were looking for change - and I think we have finally reached the point (thank heavens!) where such tactics repulse more voters than they attract. To sum up this point, despite her gender, Clinton became possibly the last representative of the Old Boy Network, employing the style, the tactics, even the mannerisms of old guard politicians.

3. She became a chameleon, openly and unabashedly modifying her very persona to suit the audience she was targeting at any given moment. Watch some of the footage - she spoke completely differently before a large audience than she did to a small group. Which was the authentic Clinton? Was there an authentic Clinton? By the time she hit Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia and began droppin' her Gs and swillin' shots and beers with the boys it would have become comical if it wasn't so pathetic and transparent.

4. She pandered. I think this is the one that pushed Jonna over the edge to declare that she wouldn't vote if Clinton was the nominee. When she joined McCain in proposing a gas tax holiday it was the most blatant pandering imagineable...and she never had the sense to back off the idea even when confronted on every side with how bad an idea it was.

5. As her blundering campaign spiraled downward and Obama's spiraled upward and the numbers became insurmountable she came up with a seemingly endless series of irrationalities to justify her continuation in the race, many of them completely contradicting positions she had taken a few months or even a few weeks earlier. Somewhere in this process she crossed the line between determination and mania and began reminding us of the baseless certitude that has marked the term of the person presently occupying the White House. And even at the end, as those who have supported her continue to talk about her courage and her determination and her fighting spirit, they have apparently failed to notice her total lack of grace. She often justified her tenacity by saying that her mother taught her that she should never be a quitter. It appears, however, that her mother never taught her the distinction between quitting and losing.

Monday, May 26: I have serious doubts that anyone is reading this anymore - especially since my posts have become so terribly infrequent - but tonight I'm posting because a thought occured to me that I haven't yet seen anywhere else, so I figured I'd go ahead and toss it out into the ether.

It dawned on me that it should be pretty obvious now that the Democratic party candidate for the presidency will be one of two people: either Barack Obama or...Al Gore. Let me explain.

If things go the way they ought to go and the Democratic nomination process (which we all must agree is going to be in serious need of fine tuning) works the way it was intended to work, Senator Obama will have the nomination wrapped up - finally - some time within the next couple of weeks. This is the appropriate outcome, the normal outcome, the reasonable outcome.

However, there is another possible scenario. It is a nightmare scenario to be sure, but it is a tragic possibility that history illustrates cannot be dismissed. I'm talking of course about the possibility that something violent might happen to Senator Obama that would end his candidacy. I'm talking about the very dark, very evil, but very real possibility of something such as an assassination.

Under normal circumstances such a tragedy would naturally throw the nomination to Senator Clinton. But I will suggest that Senator Clinton's statement late last week has permanently altered circumstances. From this point forward, a violent loss of Senator Obama would also bring the certain end of Senator Clinton's viability as a candidate. Deserved or not, rational or not, Senator Clinton has, with her own words, linked herself to any disaster that might befall Senator Obama. Democratic party leaders would - rightly and immediately - realize that a significant portion of the public would associate the event with the words she spoke and regardless of circumstances a huge percentage of the voting public would wonder if (and a certain percentage would be convinced that) there was a connection between her statement and his demise. She would, in other words, be absolutely unelectable under such circumstances. Delegates would take the nomination to the convention floor and Al Gore would be drafted as the person with the greatest potential to be elected.

So there you have it. Absent chaos, Senator Obama is the nominee. Throw in chaos, and we wind up with Al Gore.

I've done much reading over the past few days - and even more thinking - about Senator Clinton's use of Bobby Kennedy's assassination in her defense of her continuing candidacy. I want to try to be as fair as I can and be sure my conclusions are not swayed by my personal preferences. As a result, I think I've tried to give Senator Clinton considerably more benefit of doubt than I normally would. However...

One of the things Jonna and I tried very hard to do while we were in the ministry was to help people understand that we cannot divorce words from their context. And when I say context, I mean the context of the greater dialogue of which they are a part as well as the context of place in time, place in culture and place in circumstance. This is extremely critical in trying to grasp the meaning of scripture - and something that a vast majority of adherants to most faiths fail to either understand or appreciate. But it is also true of any communication: the words cannot be separated from their overall context and be accurately understood.

Were we able to divorce Senator Clinton's words from their context it would be fairly easy to see this as a non-issue - a slip of the tongue, a brain fart, label it what you will but conclude that it was inadvertant, meaningless and harmless.

But we cannot conscientiously make that separation because to do so, while it may serve to deflect criticism, will not serve to achieve understanding.

Her words, of course, come in the context of the struggle for the office of President of these United States. And while we like to imagine ourselves as a civilized, moral, ethical people, the history of that office not only suggests but clearly illustrates that we often are not what we imagine ourselves to be: four of our Presidents assassinated, attempts made to assassinate at least seven others, and uncounted - and quite possibly uncountable - murders and attempted murders of those seeking high office or working for political or social change within our nation. This is the larger context within which her words were spoken - and from which they canot be separated.

Moreover, the more immediate context is that in which we see the first truly viable female candidate for the presidency, the first truly viable black candidate for the presidency, and the oldest candidate ever to seek the presidency...all at a time when the country is deeply divided and the populace is extremely dissatisfied with its leadership. Given that context and the present volatile atmosphere any of these three candidates with so much as a single ounce of sense cannot help but know that the subject of the potential demise of any of their opponents is a place they dare not go. Yet she dared.

And in so doing, I believe she has brought a slightly premature end to her candidacy - and possibly an end to any potential of a future viable or meaningful political career.

The question that remains for me is why she said what she said. If her point was in fact to illustrate why she should remain in the race at this point she has a wealth of history to support her contention - any number of contests that have made it all the way to the floor of the convention. In fact, if her intent was to justify her perseverance the example of Bobby Kennedy - or the more general issue of assassination - was not even relevant to her argument; her continuation in the race would have no bearing whatsoever on the decisions that would be made in the wake of such a tragedy.

I have, until a few months ago, believed that Senator Clinton would make a fine president. I have, until now, believed her to be an extremely intelligent person. Any number of instances over the past few months have changed my mind about her presidential qualities, and now, if she is the intelligent person I believed her to be, I am afraid that her intense ambition has completely overcome both her sense and her sensibilities. It is very, very sad.

*****

On the personal side, Jonna and I are continuing to work at reassembling our life. I've been very, very busy at work, which s one of several reasons I haven't been posting here. t some point we're going to have to stop and take a breath and determine where we want to go next. To be honest, if Ihad any money - and a heavy streak of masochism - I'd be tempted to challenge Duncan Hunter Junior for the Congressional seat here. But I have neither.

Over the course of my walk I developed a large pad of callus on the soles of my feet directly behind my toes. During the past few weeks this layer of callus has finally been peeling off. It doesn't hurt at all - but it itches like crazy! - especially on my left foot. I've also been putting on some of the weight I lost and am going to have to do something about that very soon, as I have no desire to return to my pre-walk weight. Meanwhile, the guys are getting pretty ripe because they haven't had a bath in lord knows how long. We talk about it almost daily, bt every time I manage to get a day off we wind up with a number of other things to do and don't get them bathed. Either we'll be forced to do it soon or some of us will be sleeping outside.

Our oldest son, Marty, will be dropping in for a short visit tomorrow. It will be the first time we've seen him since well before I started my walk. We think of all the friends we made on our cross-country trek often - and hope you still think of us once in a while. I'm hoping that I might be able to get back here and post more often soon - but no promises. Keep in touch - and

Peace.

Saturday, May 3: To begin, I'd like to explain my absence from the journal for the past month. For one thing, we are now in the busy season for my line of work and I've been working like a borrowed mule - it's been pretty much nothing but work, eat and sleep...and sometimes too little of the latter. I can't complain too much because it simply comes with the territory that there are seasons like this - and it's probably going to be pretty much the same for at least the next couple of months.

But more significantly, the past month has been a time of extreme tension for Jonna and myself. I didn't want to post anything about it until we had some sort of resolution, and that resolution came last night so I can go ahead and 'splain it all.

In March I had happened upon two job opportunities that were extremely promising; one as a full-time chauffeur for a couple in San Diego and the other as chauffeur/butler/estate manager for an estate in Beverly Hills. The San Diego possibility evaporated almost immediately - the couple's kids had been trying to get it set up for their parents (in their late eighties) but at the last minute it seems that their parents had said something to the effect of "We don't need no stinkin' chauffeur" and that was that.

The Beverly Hills one was another matter. It was a very, very (very!) lucrative position that would employ both myself as mentioned, and Jonna as well - as housekeeper. We went up to Los Angeles a couple of weeks ago to interview with the business manager of the owner. The interview went extremely well and we were asked to come back up last week to look over the estate. I don't think i would be appropriate for me to go into too much detail, but the estate was originally built by Keyshawn Johnson - the football player. The current owner bought t for 13.8 million. It's across the street from the home of Johnny Carson's widow. There's a half million dollar Rolls in the garage. You get the picture.

We met the rest of the staff and again, the interview went extremely well. The business manager said she would let us know by this Wednesday or Thursday at the latest - and we were pretty sure we would be offered the position. I got a call Thursday afternoon. She said that while both she and the staff really, really wanted us for the position, the owner wanted someone who had more direct experience managing an estate such as his. She still felt certain that we would be the best people for the job and told us she was going to try once more to talk him into it. Late last night we got an email from her. She was not able to convince him, so that's the end of it.

Need I say that it was a crushing disappointment? Not only had all signs pointed to this actually happening, but it would instantly have moved us from a place in our lives where we're scratching to get ourselves re-established to a six figure income in a job we are both extremely well qualified to handle. At least the extreme tension of the past month is finally over and we can get back to thinking about other things once again.

Not that we have ever stopped thinking about the current political situation. I want to touch on a few things tonight if I don't collapse before I finish:

I'm not going to take back anything I said about Rev. Wright.

However...

I am more than saddened to conclude that once the spotlight fell on him he became caught up in his own celebrity and lost all common sense. As a result, much damage was done.

Rev. Wright should have been a golden opportunity for many, many desperately needed dialogues. There could have been tons of good achieved with serious, thoughtful inspection of the meaning and purpose of prophecy, the unique perspective on American society the black Christian experience has to offer, our own culpability in the state of international relations and on, and on, and on. That's what could have happened. That's what should have happened. But having achieved the spotlight, it seems that Rev. Wright chose instead to immediately become a cartoon of himself and in so doing completely destroyed the potential he presented. In addition, he elected to do this at a time and in a fashion that could only serve to do maximum damage to Senator Obama. I do not pretend to know what motives propelled these events, I only know that it was a terrible loss - and Obama did the only thing he could be expected to do faced with these circumstances.

While I'm (loosely) on the subject of religion, I wanted to toss another little tidbit out there. I expect many of you have already seen some of the incredibly loathesome emails floating around out there regarding Obama. It continues to boggle my mind that anyone is so filled with hate and fear tat they would either generate or believe the sort of thing that this stuff represents, but I wanted to give you the latest one I came across as an example. Here it is:

"According to the Book of Revelations the anti-christ is: The anti-christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal.... the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destory everything. Is it OBAMA??"

Verbatim - including the spelling errors. If anyone lays this one on you, you might offer them a bit of basic education:

1. The book is called Revelation (or more fully, the Revelation of St. John), not Revelations. If anyone calls it Revelations, you can immediately certain that he or she has absolutely no idea what he or she is talking about.

2. Revelation does not even use the term anti-christ. The term is only used by the author of the epistles (letters) attributed to John. The author of these letters is almost certainly not the same person as the author (or authors) of Revelation.

3. The entirety of the Bible - both Old and New Testaments - was written over a period of approximately 800 to 900 years, with the most recent parts of the New Testament having been written no later than some time in the second century AD. The Muslim faith was not established until the fifth century AD. It should be obvious, but I'll state it anyway - nowhere in scripture does it say anything about the lineage of an antchrist, let alone that he would be a descendant of those of a religious faith that didn't even exist when scripture was written.

4. Nowhere in scripture does it say anything about the age of an antichrist.

Once you've provided these bits of basic education, you might try to engage the person in a serious conversation around exactly what it is about this man that they fear/hate so intensely that would make them gullible enough to believe this sort of garbage or frightened enough to display their own ignorance by propagating it. But it probably won't work.

Our dear friend Theresa from Indiana sent along a letter she wrote to the Chicago Sun Times. They actually published it, though she says it was rather heavily edited. As I couldn't say it any better, I asked if I could reprint her original letter here. She sad yes, so here it is:

"I am tired of having government work for the richest sections of our society and ignoring the rest of us. As a teacher at an Indiana public high school, my husband pays a little over $6,000 per year on health insurance premiums to cover our family of three. This health insurance has yet to pay for one single doctor’s visit, as we never meet the $500 deductible per person. I’ve seen friends have to file bankruptcy because of medical debt. Last year, my husband’s best friend died needlessly, at age 43, because he delayed seeking medical care while waiting for his health insurance to kick in. We even spent one year without health insurance, because we simply could not afford the premiums on a teacher's salary. I know my story is not unique and perhaps that makes it even more painful.

Under Barack Obama’s plan, every citizen will have healthcare and we will pay less for it. This is something I believe in and something we NEED. The other candidates are professional politicians. McCain wants to continue the failed policies of George Bush and the Clinton administration already had 8 years to change the system and failed to do so. It is time for a change.

We can no longer allow the shrinking middle class to shoulder the biggest burden in our society. The system has to change. As citizens of the United States of America, we have the power to change things. We have a responsibility to make sure it is no longer “business as usual” among our elected officials.

Many people dismiss Obama's message of change and hope as either naive or foolish...or even a lie. Sure, I'll be disappointed if Obama does not live up to be everything I hope he is, but I will not regret believing in his message. I am voting for Obama because I still have hope and I still believe that we can create a better society. I can live in fear that my child will grow up in a world of war and poverty and hate or I can choose to bring my child up with the belief that he can do anything in this world he wants to do, as long as he believes in it and works hard to accomplish it....I choose hope over fear. And, beyond politics, that is why I choose Obama.

Be well!
~Theresa"

Theresa's last paragraph hits the bullseye - and I wish those who continue to support Senator Clinton could fully take this in. All my life I have been waiting for a truly serious discussion among presidential candidates of the problems our nation faces and the possible solutions they might offer to those problems. I have yet to see it. Senator Clinton continues - on a daily basis - to demonstrate clearly that, despite the seeming contradiction, she is what I hope will be the last of a dying breed of "good ol' boy" politicians whose candidacies are all and only about winning. Although his campaign has occasionally slipped, Obama himself has consistently and resolutely attempted to offer the sort of campaign I've wanted to see. I'll be doing everything I can to help him get that chance.

March Journal

Friday, March 28: Time for me to put my two cents in regarding Barack Obama's former pastor, the Rev. Wright. I've been sitting back for a while now, listening to the relentless goofiness. I've also heard and read many of the Rev. Wright's sermon excerpts - and read them within the larger context of his sermons. And I have one word to describe the Rev. Wright who has been scourged in the press, tried and convicted in the public arena and reviled across the nation:

Prophet.

Where do I begin? I think I need to start with a little primer for those who have been misdirected by the fundamentalist/literalist, superstition-as-religion dumbing down and corrupting of the Christian faith. The title "prophet" has a specific meaning - and it has nothing whatsoever to do with fortune-telling, predicting the future, or in fact anything whatsoever mystical. So it has always been, and so we had better figure out it needs to remain. A prophet is one who speaks truth to power. A prophet is one who has the wisdom to understand what those in power are doing that is destructive and the courage to speak out against those practices. The first test of a true prophet - and actually the only test - is whether or not what the prophet has to say is applicable to the prophet's contemporary society. If the prophet's words do not address the situation in the prophet's own time and place they are not prophetic.

Prophetic words have a built-in multiple function. As human society seems hopelessly prone to forget the lessons it has learned and repeat its mistakes ad infinitum, the prophet's words may well find relevance far beyond the prophet's own time. This is where people tend to confuse the prophet with a fortune teller. The relevance of a prophet's words to generations beyond the original audience are not an indication of the prophet's supernatural capabilities - rather, they are an indication of society's incompetence. If we didn't find ourselves in the same stupid predicaments over and over again this mystical illusion of fortune telling wouldn't exist.

All of this is true of all prophets and all prophecy. So those of you who are convinced that the revelation of John is a prediction of some coming end-time apocalypse must remember that unless John was actually saying something relevant to the people in the place and at the time he set the words down, his work was less than useless. It's time to let the suprstitious element of faith behind and recognize that the authors of the "End Times" books, the evangelists such as Robertson and his cohorts are laughing all the way to the bank...and they're laughing at you.

The prophet speaks truth to power. Another thing that we tend to forget is that for the prophets of biblical times, religion and government were the same entity. If you spoke out against the practices of the religious leaders, you spoke out against the practices of the political leaders - they were one and the same.

Back to Rev. Wright. I'm not going to make it easy for you - I'm going to give you some homework. Go back and actually read or listen to what Rev. Wright has said. Not the shards and fragments of his sermons published all over the place, but read or listen to them within the fuller context of the sermon. It's easy enough to do - they're all over the internet.

Done? OK, now get out your Bible - you know, the big, dusty book on your coffee table with the picture of the blond haired, blue eyed Jesus on the front? Turn to the book of Hosea and read it. Read Micah. Read Jeremiah (hint: they're all in the Old Testament). Now, read the words of Jesus (New Testament). If you do this - and do it objectively - you will realize that if you condemn Rev. Wright for what he is saying, you will have no choice other than to condemn Hosea, Micah and Jeremiah as well. You will have no choice other than to condemn Jesus. And there is your bottom line.

Rev. Wright, I will maintain, is a prophet. Not only is he a prophet, but he is a patriot of the first order. Rev. Wright loves this nation deeply - so deeply that he cannot pretend he does not see the truths he sees. So deeply that he is compelled to speak the truth.

My greatest regret right now is that Senator Obama, fully aware how few Americans truly understand the nature of either patriotism or faith, feels compelled to distance himself from the Rev. Wright if he is to have any hope of attaining the presidency. It is a true shame. We are still resolutely and blindly mired in that place where we must pretend that our nation is without fault or flaw; that we bear not one iota of responsibility for the terrorism directed against us, that we have not committed a whole litany of outrageous transgressions against peoples, nations and cultures, that our leadership is always and only directed by the highest and most noble of motives. As long as we remain there, we will never be able to see ourselves in a mirror - even darkly. We will never be able to learn from our errors and transgressions. We will never be able to become the people we pretend to be.

We will never be able to hear the prophet.

Saturday, March 22: Meanwhile, back at the war...

As the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq comes and goes and we near 4,000 American deaths and still who-knows-how-many Iraqis, some journalists have taken the occasion to re-examine the positions they took at the onset of the war and where they find themselves today. I came across one such article on Slate.com - a mea culpa - sort of - by Andrew Sullivan. I found it rather disingenuous, but at the same time worthwhile, because he outlined many of the positions some of my friends clung to as they supported our actions in Iraq. After reading the article, I quickly browsed the readers' feedback to it - and happened on what I think is an excellent rebuttal and disection of Sullivan's piece.

At the risk of running afoul of Slate, I want to print the article by Sullivan here, followed by a reprint of the article with comments inserted by someone only identified as M. Donovan. First, the article itself:

How Did I Get Iraq Wrong?
I seriously misjudged Bush's sense of morality.
By Andrew Sullivan
Posted Friday, March 21, 2008, at 12:16 PM ET
Editor's Note: To mark the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, Slate has asked a number of writers who originally supported the war to answer the question, "Why did we get it wrong?" We have invited contributions from the best-known "liberal hawks"—and others—many of whom participated in two previous Slate debates about the war, the first before it began in fall of 2002, the second in early 2004. We will be publishing their responses through the week. Read the rest of the contributions.

I think I committed four cardinal sins.

Historical Narcissism
I was distracted by the internal American debate to the occlusion of the reality of Iraq. For most of my adult lifetime, I had heard those on the left decry American military power, constantly warn of quagmires, excuse what I regarded as inexcusable tyrannies, and fail to grasp that the nature of certain regimes makes their removal a moral objective. As a child of the Cold War and a proud Reaganite and Thatcherite, I regarded 1989 as almost eternal proof of the notion that the walls of tyranny could fall if we had the will to bring them down and the gumption to use military power when we could. I had also been marinated in neoconservative thought for much of the 1990s and seen the moral power of Western intervention in Bosnia and Kosovo. All this primed me for an ideological battle that was, in retrospect, largely irrelevant to the much more complex post-Cold War realities we were about to confront.

When I heard the usual complaints from the left about how we had no right to intervene, how Bush was the real terrorist, how war was always wrong, my trained ears heard the same cries that I had heard in the 1980s. So, I saw the opposition to the war as another example of a faulty Vietnam Syndrome, associated it entirely with the far left—or boomer nostalgia—and was revolted by the anti-war marches I saw in Washington. I wasn't wrong about some of this. Some of those reflexes were at work (which is why I find Obama's far more pragmatic opposition so striking in retrospect). I became much too concerned with fighting that old internal ideological battle and failed to think freshly or realistically about what the consequences of intervention could be. I allowed myself to be distracted by an ideological battle when what was required was clear-eyed prudence.

Narrow Moralism
I recall very clearly one night before the war began. I made myself write down the reasons for and against the war and realized that if there were question marks on both sides (the one point in favor I did not put a question mark over was the existence of stockpiles of WMD!), the deciding factor for me in the end was that I could never be ashamed of removing someone as evil as Saddam from power. I became enamored of my own morality and the righteousness of this single moral act. And he was a monster, as we discovered. But what I failed to grasp is that war is also a monster, and unless one weighs all the possibly evil consequences of an abstractly moral act, one hasn't really engaged in a truly serious moral argument. I saw war's unknowable consequences far too glibly.

Unconservatism
I heard and read about ancient Sunni and Shiite divisions, knew of the awful time the British had in running Iraq, but I had never properly absorbed the lesson. I bought the argument put forward by many neoconservatives that Iraq was one of the more secular and modern of Arab societies; that these divisions were not so deep; that all those pictures of men in suits and mustaches and women in Western clothing were the deeper truth about this rare, modern Arab society. I believed that it could, if we worked at it and threw enough money at it, be a model for the rest of the Arab Muslim world. I should add that I don't believe these ancient divides were necessarily as deep as they subsequently became in the unnecessary chaos that the Rumsfeld invasion unleashed. But I greatly underestimated them—and as someone who liked to think of myself as a conservative, I pathetically failed to appreciate how those divides never truly go away and certainly cannot be abolished by a Western magic wand. In that sense, I was not conservative enough. I let my hope—the hope that had been vindicated by the fall of the Soviet Union—get the better of my skepticism. There are times when that is a good thing. The Iraq war wasn't one of them.

Misreading Bush
Yes, the incompetence and arrogance were beyond anything I imagined. In 2000, my support for Bush was not deep. I thought he was an OK, unifying, moderate Republican who would be fine for a time of peace and prosperity. I was concerned—ha!—that Gore would spend too much. I was reassured by the experience and intelligence and pedigree of Cheney and Rumsfeld and Powell. Two of them had already fought and won a war in the Gulf. The bitter election battle hardened my loyalty. And once 9/11 happened, my support intensified as I hoped for the best. Bush's early speeches were magnificent. The Afghanistan invasion was defter than I expected. I got lulled. I wanted him to succeed—too much, in retrospect.

But my biggest misreading was not about competence. Wars are often marked by incompetence. It was a fatal misjudgment of Bush's sense of morality. I had no idea he was so complacent—even glib—about the evil that good intentions can enable. I truly did not believe that Bush would use 9/11 to tear up the Geneva Conventions. When I first heard of abuses at Gitmo, I dismissed them as enemy propaganda. I certainly never believed that a conservative would embrace torture as the central thrust of an anti-terror strategy and lie about it, and scapegoat underlings for it, and give us the indelible stain of Bagram and Camp Cropper and Abu Ghraib and all the other secret torture and interrogation sites that Bush and Cheney created and oversaw. I certainly never believed that a war I supported for the sake of freedom would actually use as its central weapon the deepest antithesis of freedom—the destruction of human autonomy and dignity and will that is torture. To distort this by shredding the English language, by engaging in newspeak that I had long associated with totalitarian regimes, was a further insult. And for me, it was yet another epiphany about what American conservatism had come to mean.

I know our enemy is much worse. I have never doubted that. I still have no qualms whatever in waging war to defeat it. But I never believed that America would do what America has done. Never. My misjudgment at the deepest moral level of what Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld were capable of—a misjudgment that violated the moral core of the enterprise—was my worst mistake. What the war has done to what is left of Iraq—the lives lost, the families destroyed, the bodies tortured, the civilization trashed—was bad enough. But what was done to America—and the meaning of America—was unforgivable. And for that I will not and should not forgive myself.

Now, for the same article with comments from a rather torqued off M. Donavan interspersed. I'm going to do a bit of editing to eliminate some of the instances where Donavan is being a bit cute, but other than that I'm not changing a word:

I find the piece by Andrew Sullivan so disingenuous, such a slovenly and disgusting piece of self-pity and self-delusion-- deeply offensive.

I simply could not let this man get away with this tortured confession to absolve himself of his awful pre-war behavior. It only deepens my lack of respect for him and the rest of his crowd who are now only half heartedly begging our forgiveness while still trying to justify their support for George Bush and the rest of his gangsters as well as the war and its “moral core.”

Interspersed below are my comments on this shameful and dishonest act of contrition.

M. Donovan

How Did I Get Iraq Wrong?
I seriously misjudged Bush's sense of morality.
By Andrew Sullivan
Posted Friday, March 21, 2008, at 12:16 PM ET

I think I committed four cardinal sins.

Only four?

Historical Narcissism
I was distracted by the internal American debate to the occlusion of the reality of Iraq. For most of my adult lifetime, I had heard those on the left decry American military power, constantly warn of quagmires,

For good reason.

excuse what I regarded as inexcusable tyrannies,

I hear this a lot from righteous (now repentant) war supporters. They never give specific examples of this. Most of us who opposed the war also opposed Sullivan’s mentors’ fervent and long term support for these “inexcusable tyrannies”

and fail to grasp that the nature of certain regimes makes their removal a moral objective.

Again, we didn’t fail to grasp that by installing and/or supporting them for years we had created the monsters and now unleashing the most powerful military the world has ever known against the population of Iraq – Saddam’s victims- would only heap more death and destruction upon those Sullivan and his crowd insisted we were out to liberate. We “grasped” it all too well.

As a child of the Cold War and a proud Reaganite and Thatcherite,

Well there’s your problem right there. I’m not sure but is he still proud? More below.

I regarded 1989 as almost eternal proof of the notion that the walls of tyranny could fall if we had the will to bring them down and the gumption to use military power when we could.

“Gumption” to use military power? Cute, Andrew. If only the U.S. had the “gumption” to use its military power we could bring all the baddies down - you know like the three million souls in South East Asia we liberated from their bodies in order to save them from their own foolish ideas about how they wanted to govern themselves. I guess his patron saint Ronnie had the “gumption” to use U.S. military power against the terrible threat of the nutmeg capital of the world Grenada as well as use our military intelligence, personnel, weapons and training of death squads against their own people in Central America and several other outposts of the Soviet empire throughout the world. But that was in the less complicated days of the Cold War. That was “roll back” baby. I bet you miss those times, eh Andrew?

I had also been marinated in neoconservative thought for much of the 1990s and seen the moral power of Western intervention in Bosnia and Kosovo.

Still trying to figure out what the morality is of facilitating the violent disintegration of the former Yugoslavia, the demonizing of yet another people (Serbs), lying and grossly exaggerating their crimes while downplaying and ignoring Croat’, Bosnian’ and KLA and most significantly NATO crimes as an effort to shore up the “credibility” of NATO, -as was explicitly stated by Tony Blair and Bill Clinton- while simultaneously trying to neuter the UN (greasing the wheels for Bush’s Iraq adventure) and in the process brag about the criminal 78 day bombing of Serbia’s civilian infrastructure (a blatant violation of the Geneva Conventions) not to mention the invasion and bombing of Kosovo and subsequent overseeing of the ethnic cleansing of Serbs, Roma and other undesirables turning it over to a warlord and gangster leaving it to fester in a cesspool of international slave prostitution rings and rampant mob mayhem (that’s what I call “humanitarian intervention!”) against every international law on the books and in violation of the UN Charter and therefore Article VI of our constitution. For more on this see Michael Mandel, David Binder, Peter Brock’s and others’ exhaustive studies as well as Amnesty International and other human rights organizations charges of multiple war crimes committed by NATO in the former Yugoslavia throughout the nineties.

All this primed me for an ideological battle that was, in retrospect, largely irrelevant to the much more complex post-Cold War realities we were about to confront.

When I heard the usual complaints from the left about how we had no right to intervene,

“Intervene” like a referee? A cop breaking up a fight or apprehending a criminal? Such a clever rhetorical cleansing for wanton murder.

how Bush was the real terrorist,

Demonstrably true.

how war was always wrong,

Except as spelled out in the UN charter. Again let’s not confuse wide support for international law with a tiny minority who are adamant pacifists.

my trained ears heard the same cries that I had heard in the 1980s. So, I saw the opposition to the war as another example of a faulty Vietnam Syndrome,

What the hell is this pesky Vietnam Syndrome? It keeps showing up in the population. Is that the syndrome under which people use recent history of U.S. crimes to show how the same motives and rhetoric are at work again to justify another slaughter?

associated it entirely with the far left—or boomer nostalgia—

Yep those dang far lefty boomers long for the days of napalming women and children.

and was revolted by the anti-war marches I saw in Washington.

It’s just sickening to see people opposing war isn’t it Andrew?

I wasn't wrong about some of this. Some of those reflexes were at work (which is why I find Obama's far more pragmatic opposition so striking in retrospect).

I became much too concerned with fighting that old internal ideological battle and failed to think freshly or realistically about what the consequences of intervention could be.

Perhaps a dose of Vietnam Syndrome could have helped you with that.

I allowed myself to be distracted by an ideological battle when what was required was clear-eyed prudence.

Indeed. But how would “clear-eyed prudence” have changed your thinking?

Narrow Moralism
I recall very clearly one night before the war began. I made myself write down the reasons for and against the war and realized that if there were question marks on both sides (the one point in favor I did not put a question mark over was the existence of stockpiles of WMD!), the deciding factor for me in the end was that I could never be ashamed of removing someone as evil as Saddam from power.

But wait a second, wasn’t he evil when you were supporting your beloved Ronnie (and the Donald) in his sustained and loyal backing of the beast of Baghdad when he was committing his worst crimes? And by the way, were you going to personally remove Saddam? I don’t recall you pulling up in a tank at that farmhouse and pulling him out of his rabbit hole. I haven’t read any of your dispatches from the front lines of hell you helped create in Iraq.

I became enamored of my own morality

Wait, we might be having a breakthrough here…

and the righteousness of this single moral act.

Nope. Back to the confused and delusional “thinking”. It was at its heart a moral act.

And he was a monster, as we discovered.

So when he was committing his worst crimes under the tutelage of your patron saint in the eighties he was what exactly?

But what I failed to grasp is that war is also a monster,

Failed….to….. grasp….that…. war ….. is……also….a………monster. I rest my case.

and unless one weighs all the possibly evil consequences of an abstractly moral act,

Just plain drivel. What moral act? Possibly evil consequences??

one hasn't really engaged in a truly serious moral argument. I saw war's unknowable consequences far too glibly.

“Glibly” hardly describes the kind of righteous ranting you employed in your lust for war my friend.

Unconservatism
I heard and read about ancient Sunni and Shiite divisions, knew of the awful time the British had in running Iraq, but I had never properly absorbed the lesson.

Oh dear. “Well sorry about all that killing I supported. I failed to properly absorb the lessons of history.”

I bought the argument put forward by many neoconservatives that Iraq was one of the more secular and modern of Arab societies; that these divisions were not so deep; that all those pictures of men in suits and mustaches and women in Western clothing were the deeper truth about this rare, modern Arab society. I believed that it could, if we worked at it and threw enough money at it, be a model for the rest of the Arab Muslim world.

Oh boy. After bombing them to dust, you thought that if we really worked at it and threw enough money at it we could teach those lesser peoples how to be a model for the rest of the “Arab Muslim” world??? So the ones we didn’t kill we could bribe into being a “model” of what? And for whom?? Do they have a say in whether or not they want to be killed and bribed into being our fucking models??? Christ, man!

I should add that I don't believe these ancient divides were necessarily as deep as they subsequently became in the unnecessary chaos that the Rumsfeld invasion unleashed.

Ohhhh! It’s Donald’s fault! Of course.

But I greatly underestimated them—and as someone who liked to think of myself as a conservative, I pathetically failed to appreciate how those divides never truly go away and certainly cannot be abolished by a Western magic wand. In that sense, I was not conservative

You don’t know what the word means.

enough. I let my hope—the hope that had been vindicated by the fall of the Soviet Union—get the better of my skepticism. There are times when that is a good thing. The Iraq war wasn't one of them.

Misreading Bush
Yes, the incompetence and arrogance were beyond anything I imagined. In 2000, my support for Bush was not deep. I thought he was an OK, unifying, moderate Republican who would be fine for a time of peace and prosperity. I was concerned—ha!—that Gore would spend too much.

I was reassured by the experience and intelligence and pedigree of Cheney and Rumsfeld and Powell. Two of them had already fought and won a war in the Gulf.

Yes I remember Cheney and Powell charging those berms and single handedly wiping out hundreds of Saddam’s Republican Guard with their machine-guns.

The bitter election battle hardened my loyalty.

I guess we can blame his support for the war on the Democrats in 2000?

And once 9/11 happened, my support intensified as I hoped for the best. Bush's early speeches were magnificent.

Somebody get me a barf bag. If you stand by that assessment of that cretin’s speeches you are beyond rehabilitation.

The Afghanistan invasion was defter than I expected. I got lulled.

Nothing like killing more innocent people than were killed on 9/11 to lull you. And boy look at how much safer that Afghanistan invasion has made us! Oh I know, if we’d only kept our eyes on the ball there and not invaded Iraq…

I wanted him to succeed—too much, in retrospect. But my biggest misreading was not about competence. Wars are often marked by incompetence.

Often? Name one that wasn’t. Guess the neo-cons confused you on that point too.

It was a fatal misjudgment of Bush's sense of morality. I had no idea he was so complacent—even glib—about the evil that good intentions can enable.

Oh here it is! It’s those GOOD INTENTIONS gone bad again! Dang it! Hey Andrew I wish you could have shown up in a town square in Iraq somewhere prior to the arrival of the B-2 bombers and been able to explain to those who were about to die how GOOD your intentions were. You putz.

I truly did not believe that Bush would use 9/11 to tear up the Geneva Conventions.

You were shocked! Shocked! Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Reagan, Clinton did it all the time. But Bush? "I was surprised!"

When I first heard of abuses at Gitmo, I dismissed them as enemy propaganda. I certainly never believed that a conservative

Again try and get yourself educated on conservatism before you label yourself or any other war monger one again.

would embrace torture as the central thrust of an anti-terror strategy and lie about it, and scapegoat underlings for it, and give us the indelible stain of Bagram and Camp Cropper and Abu Ghraib and all the other secret torture and interrogation sites that Bush and Cheney created and oversaw.

I know it’s a damn shame ain’t it? Don’t you just feel awful now?

I certainly never believed that a war I supported for the sake of freedom

Wait. Freedom or WMD’s? I’m confused. Er… uh… I thought you wanted to make models out of them. Is that the freedom you had in mind? Now I’m really lost.

would actually use as its central weapon the deepest antithesis of freedom—the destruction of human autonomy and dignity and will that is torture.

I know that’s just awful. But dropping cluster bombs on civilian neighborhoods, you know “SHOCK AND AWE” is just dandy in your model making project, yes?

To distort this by shredding the English language, by engaging in newspeak that I had long associated with totalitarian regimes, was a further insult. And for me, it was yet another epiphany about what American conservatism had come to mean.

I know our enemy is much worse.

Enemy? Who? The Iraqi people? I’m confused. Al-Qaeda? Saddam? He’s dead, no?

I have never doubted that. I still have no qualms whatever in waging war to defeat it. But I never believed that America would do what America has done. Never.

Do you restrict your reading to old Reagan speeches about the “city on the hill?” Do you know anything about American history at all? Have you ever thought to investigate the nature of power….?

My misjudgment at the deepest moral level of what Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld were capable of—a misjudgment that violated the moral core of the enterprise—was my worst mistake.

Oh that moral core! If only they hadn’t corrupted it!

What the war has done to what is left of Iraq—the lives lost, the families destroyed, the bodies tortured, the civilization trashed—was bad enough. But what was done to America—and the meaning of America—was unforgivable.

OH. MY. GOD. It’s just like the terrible damage the Vietnam War did to us! What we did to Iraq is bad but what it did to US IS JUST….WELL IT’S JUST…..UNFORGIVABLE!!

And for that I will not and should not forgive myself.

Good God, Andrew for heaven’s sake forgive yourself for enthusiastically cheering on the carnage in Iraq but never, and I mean never forgive yourself for what all of this did to the good ol’ USA.

Mr. Sullivan, I beg you to stop. You need to stop and read your piece again and then take some time, do some serious contemplation and then ask yourself what you could sincerely do to get some insight into your soul going forward.
What you have laid out here is a lie to yourself and your readers. I'll say it again. I find your remarks deeply offensive to the hundreds of thousands killed by U.S. power and madness in this war and other wars before it which I believe you have implicitly defended here as well. It is sad that this mealy-mouthed excuse for a confession is the best you can do. It is sad that outlets such as Slate and most of the mainstream media take you so seriously and give you a platform to spout your views without much challenge.

M. Donovan

My thanks to Mr. (or Ms.) Donovan - I don't think I could have done a better deconstruction of Andrew Sullivan's self-serving blather myself. Notice that I boldfaced one particular paragraph of M. Donovan's work - because I believe this is the crux of the entire issue, and it is something that everyone who supported this war - and particularly those who continue to cling to the hope that somehow it will all wind up producing something worthwhile - will have to come to terms with at some point. Because the underlying base that allowed this war to happen - and permits it to continue day after unforgivable day - is an arrogant, racist, xenophobic attitude that the American way is the only way; that it is imperative that the entire rest of the world be reshaped in our own image; and that in the end we are the only people in the world who really matter. Wrap it up in as much moralistic glitter and righteous equivocation as you like...it will still stink like week-old fish. Will we never learn to perceive things from the perspective of the other? What our politicians are calling a "model of democratic freedom for the Middle East" would be called a "puppet regime" if any other country in the world was attempting to do it. The best outcome we can now hope to achieve for Iraq is this vaunted "model", and every other nation in the world will - appropriately - see not the model, but the strings controlling its every action.

Also, Joe Klein writes an interesting article in today's Time Magazine. The concluding paragraph states:

"[Will we] have a big election or a small one? Will we have a serious conversation about the enormous problems confronting the country - the wars, the economic crisis, the looming environmental cataclysm - or will we allow the same-old carnival of swift boats and sound bites? The answer depends on the candidates, of course, and on the media - where cynicism too often passes for insight. But most of all, it depends on you."

I have come to the conclusion that the nation in general - and the Democratic party in particular - stands this year at a crossroads. Day by day the choice becomes clearer. One candidate has become entrenched in the tried and true - the negative attacks, the win-at-all-costs mindset, the relentless effort to build one's self up by tearing one's opponent down. The other candidate attempts at every turn to offer a different sort of campaign than any of us have seen in our lifetimes; one that seeks to address issues directly and honestly; one that refuses to do what is politically expedient if it comes at the expense of integrity; one that risks the easy exploitation of peoples' fears and prejudices by refusing to jettison the realities of friendship, family and faith. One candidate - and only one - has the potential, as Mr. Klein puts it, to "...create a new sense of national unity - not by smoothing over problems but by confronting them candidly and with civility." I sincerely believe that if, in whatever years I may have remaining in this world, I will ever see the America I love and believe in, an America rising out of its ethical, moral and spiritual morass to re-embrace its Constitutional foundation and finally abandon its ever-more-thinly disquised lust for global domination, that hoped-for renaissance will begin this year - with the decision the Democratic party makes this summer - and the confirmation of the wisdom of that decision by the voice and vote of the people in November. As for me, I will hope for - and work for - a big election.

Sunday, March 16: A few semi-random thoughts floating around in my head this evening. Many of them were spurred by a report by Ari Shapiro I heard on NPR yesterday (you can hear it yourself at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88324592). The report was about disabled soldiers and offered considerable interesting - and highly disturbing - information. Mr. Shapiro reports that injured vets receive benefits based on the amount of their disability as determined by the Army. If a vet is determined to be 70% disabled or more there are many benefits available to him or her. But if the disability is determined to be about 30% or less, the vet will receive a one time severance package and no continuing health benefits.

Mr. Shapiro's report highlighted three different veterans. One was Sgt. Grayson Galadis, who was injured by an IED in Iraq when the Humvee he was driving ran over it. Shrapnel broke his tailbone, nicked his spine, and made a general mess of his abdomen, including injuries to his intestines, liver, kidneys and spleen. Surgeons kept his abdomen open for three months, washing his intestines and internal organs daily. They removed one third of his colon. After over a year he had recovered sufficiently enough to be discharged. The doctor overseeing his case classified his abdominal injuries as a "hernia"(!) which did not qualify him for any disability. However, Sgt. Galadis also suffered from sleep apnea and a drop foot, so he was classified by the Army as 30% disabled.

Sgt. Galadis acquired the volunteer services of a civilian attorney, who persuaded the Arny that the "hernia" alone constituted a 50% disability and, with his other medical problems, Sgt. Galadis is now deemed to be 80% disabled and eligible for full benefits.

There's more. The GAO reports that in 2001 - a year before the Iraq war began - more than 600 soldiers retired with permanent disability benefits. In 2005, three years into the war, 200 qualified. The Army contends that statistics do not reflect the reality, as the year a soldier qualifies for benefits does not indicate the year the soldier actually applied for them. I don't know how they figure this justifies the dramatc drop from pre-war to war time, but that's their argument. They also claim that the actual number of permanent disabilities granted is rising - to about 300 in 2006...still only half of those granted the year before the war began.

Disabled American Veterans has been active in securing private attorneys for injured soldiers (who are normally represented by military attorneys, of course) and George Washington Law School in D.C. has even begun a clinic to train students in this particular area of advocacy.

But wait - there's even more. Bush administration officials are less than enthused by the private help vets are receiving. They acknowledge that the system is a mess, but contend that veterans obtaining civilian attorneys only serve to shore up a system in need of fundamental and systemic change. These, of course, are the very people (and the only people) with the power - and funds - to make those changes happen.

Before I shuffle off into my next rumination ladies and gentlemen, I want to reiterate a few points that should be more than obvious to everyone by now. Perhaps more than any other administration in history, this particular administration has wrapped itself in the self-righteous banner of Friend of the Military and Supporter of our Troops. Look at the statistics above. The 600 vets approved for disability in 2001 would have received their benefits under the policies of the previous administration - the Clinton admnistration. Think about it, please. Back to this in a minute.

My other thought for tonight was spurred by watching a documentary last night about Pete Seeger. I expect you're all familiar with Mr. Seeger. During the McCarthy era Pete Seeger and his group, the Weavers, were blacklisted. Mr. Seeger himself was indicted in 1956 for contempt of Congress, found guilty and sentenced to ten years in prison. His case was later appealed and dismissed on a technicality. This is the man, of course, who wrote such songs as "Where Have All the Flowers Gone". "Turn, Turn, Turn" and "We Shall Overcome". The program I was watching observed that now, fifty years later, Mr. Seeger has received a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, a National Medal of the Arts, and the Kennedy Center's Lifetime Achievement Award. Though not stated directly, the program seemed to heavily imply that we have come a long way from the days of the Red Scare and the atrocities we committed against many truly patriotic citizens in our fear-driven xenophobia.

But my immediate response to this program was to realize that not only have we not changed at all since those times, but we seem to have become nothing less than bipolar. We recognize the injustices to a man like Pete Seeger and offer the olive branch of various (completely justified) awards and national respect at least partly as a means of apologizing. Yet at the same time we find ouselves right back in a national mindset (vigorously encouraged by this administration and its supporters) that declares any form of protest to be anti-American, any disagreement with those in charge to be supportive of the enemy, and any attempt to end wars, outlaw torture and turn away from aggression to be nothing short of treasonous.

And my reaction, as it has been for the past several years, is - where is the outrage? Why are the citizens of this nation not out in the streets demanding an immediate end to the depravity under which we are presently being governed? Why do we continue to sit back and permit things to continue along this demented course when we know - both off the top of our heads and deep within our souls - that the very soul of America is withering and dying moment by moment?

When I began writing this piece I figured I was going to end it with a despairing confession that I don't know the answer to that question. But part way through setting these thoughts down I realized that I think I do know why this hasn't happened. I think I know why we are continuing to permit our republic to disappear down the drain - and I'm going to make the accusation.

I can't accuse the people - individually or collectively. During my walk across the country we discovered that individuals everywhere, regardless of their political persuasions, almost universally are disgusted. People are despairing about where we are headed and feel powerless to do anything to change it. They feel like they cannot make any difference - that it is all far beyond their control.

While I can't fault the people individually, I can neither fault them collectively - because collectively I understand that people need a banner under which they can march; they need something or someone to provide them with a sense of the legitimacy of their concern and a concrete rallying point that can spur them to action.

And it is here where the fault lies - where the banner should be provided and the rallying point should be established. This is the domain of the fourth estate - the press. In our free society it is not just a good idea that the press should serve as a check on the actions of our leadership - it is its ultimate mandate to do precisely that. This is what is presently lacking. This is the portion of our society that has most completely abandoned its responsibilities. And I can even tell you why it has happened.

While nearly every right and freedom provided us by the Constitution has been under zealous attack by this administration, one particular freedom has remained unscathed - and that is the freedom of the press. It has been a brilliant maneuver, because it recognizes that unless we feel our own station is threatened the threat is not all that terrible. So this administration has carefully kept its hands off the press - and the press in turn has kept its hands off the administration.

When we have situations like what is happening to our disabled vets as mentioned above, every time a representative of this administration begins to wave the flag and tout their loyalty to the military, the press (joined by the military itself) should rightfully be slapping it down with the facts they already know to be true. Every time our leaders drag out the fear mongering in order to control the attitude of the citizenry and actions of Congress (by the way, remember that the textbook defiition of terrorism is the use of fear tactics to conrol the attitudes and actions of others), the press should be all over them like white on rice. When we are tempted to pat ourselves on the back for honoring citizens such as Pete Seeger, the press should be reminding us forcefully that a nation that launches pre-emptive wars, refuses to disavow torture, tosses its vets into the streets and rapes its own social programs in order to fund a mindless and counter-productive war cannot pretend to be any more evolved than its mcCarthyite neanderthal predecessors. These are the fundamental responsibilities of the press - and the press has consistently failed to do its job.

Last week Mr. Bush vetoed a bill that would have limited interrogation techniques to those specifically contained in the Army Field Manual. First, let us review some long established facts:

Fact #1: Torture does not work. It does not provide useful information. History proves this. Experts on the subject adamantly agree. It does not work.

Fact #2: The use of torture is the mark of an inhuman, inhumane, morally bankrupt society.

Fact #3: Torture Does Not Work.

Fact #4: The implementation of torture by a society subjects the citizenry - particularly the members of that society's military - to the extreme risk of the reciprocal and escalating use of torture.

Fact #5: TORTURE DOES NOT WORK!

Given the facts, there is only one justification for Mr. Bush's veto action. He refuses to outlaw torture for no other reason than that he wants to be able to torture people. Period. End of discussion. We have a president with the mindset of a schoolyard bully, plain and simple. I have no way to process such a mindset - I have never been able to wrap my head around the sort of personality that exults in causing harm to living things. But that particular mindset can be the only thing at the heart of this determined resistance. Are there really that many people out there who would continue to stand in the same corner with such a person? I am truly sickened at the thought. And I realize that in the world of schoolyard bullies, the only thing that seems to deter them is a champion - someone who will stand up to the bully on behalf of those being terrorized. While we're talking about a bully here who also happens to be the president, there are still those with the ability to stand up to him. One would be the Congress, which seems to have been hiding under its desk for the past seven years. But the other - the one that is by the structure of our nation charged with the task - is the press. Why is this war not over? Why is our Constitution in tatters? Why has our military been depleted, abused and abandoned? Because the press has not done its job. And until it does - or until we can locate another institution with the influence and courage to tackle the job the press should have been doing for these past many years - the bullying will continue unchecked.

Wednesday, March 12: I had a dream last night. I dreamed I was sitting in front of the television set at the top of the hour when suddenly the screen went black. An announcer's voice came on:

"The following two hour special is sponsored by the Democratic National Committee - and the campaign committees of Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama."

The black screen slowly faded in to a shot of Senators Clinton and Obama, sitting beside each other at a table. There was no one else present. Senator Clinton spoke.

CLINTON: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen of America. Shortly after the Texas and Ohio primaries I received a call from Senator Obama. In response to his call, he and I both managed to slip free of our handlers and advisors for a private meeting the next evening.

OBAMA: Tonight's program is a result of that meeting. We expect you will find it unusual. We hope you will also find it interesting and informative.

CLINTON: We have both found it extremely difficult, given the atmosphere and expectations of a national campaign, to adequately express our mutual and deeply felt concern for the future of our nation.

OBAMA: Over the past eight years we have managed to alienate most of the rest of the world through arrogance, short-sightedness and incredibly poor decision making.

CLINTON: Where once we were viewed by most other countries as a skillful mediator - a reasonably even-handed diplomat on the world stage able to bring opponents to consensus and foster peaceful solutions to global problems, we have come to a place where we are - perhaps justifiably - viewed with suspicion and fear. Even the staunchest of our historical allies have perhaps begun to wonder what in the world has come over us.

OBAMA: We have consistently abandoned our ethical and moral foundations - and even our very own Constitution - in a vain and ultimately futile quest for the illusion of safety. Fueled by an administration whose greatest talent is the ability to exploit fear in order to accomplish its objectives - and abetted by a legislature...which we confess included both of us...that found itself incapable of mustering the courage to confront the erosion of our national soul, we are convinced that there have been few times in the history of our nation when the very substance of our republic has been in the jeopardy it is in today.

CLINTON: While driven by our mutual passion to heal the wounds inflicted on our nation and reverse the course that drives us daily farther away from the people we believe ourselves to be - the America we hope to become - we have recognized, as we expect you have, that the campaign for the presidential nomination has spiralled crazily downward into a seemingly endless personality clash, consisting of little more than cheap shots, one-liners and flimsy personal attacks that has not served us, has not served the ideals we pursue, and - most importantly - has not served you.

OBAMA: Tonight, we have created this opportunity that we sincerely hope will begin to reverse that trend. This is not going to be a debate, As you notice, there are no moderators to ask us inane or leading questions or to try to goad us with our own words or those of our opponent. We are here tonight to engage in a discussion, and to provide you with an opportunity to hear us, word for word.

CLINTON: We have established a few ground rules for our discussion. We have both promsed that there will be no personal attacks. In fact, there will be no attempts by either of us to prove that one of us is right and the other wrong, or that one of us has a better plan, greater qualifications or a clearer vision for our nation's future than the other. In other words, there will be absolutely no campaigning tonight.

OBAMA: We hope that you will choose one of us to be the next president of the United States, and we believe that whatever your choice, you deserve to know more about what we are thinking and what we believe and how we expect to accomplish the changes we believe must be made than you do right now. Both Senator Clinton and I truly feel that we have the capability to bring much that is positive and constructive to our country, but neither of us claim to be all knowing or all wise. While we are hoping that you will learn much about us tonight, we quite frankly are both also hoping that we might learn from each other as well.

CLINTON: We have not established a specific agenda for our discussion. It will lead wherever it will. But it is our intention to try to cover some specific points through the evening that we think are crucial. We plan to spend some time discussing the growing disparity between the very rich and the very poor in our country - and what we might be able to do about it.

OBAMA: We want to discuss the standing of our nation in the global community; how our foreign policies have fostered much of the hostility that confronts us and how we might modify our dealings in the world in ways that will foster peace and international cooperation.

CLINTON: We want to talk about how we might begin to erase the many conflicts that divide us internally and set us one against the other, how we might rise above the labels of race, gender, class, region, politics and religion and come together first as citizens of a common country with a common vision and a common interest.

OBAMA: These are merely examples; we have many topics in mind. We don't expect that we'll come to any earth shaking conclusions this evening, but we do hope that it will be an experience of growth in understanding and insight for both of us - and perhaps you, as well.

CLINTON: We also hope that we just possibly may have hit upon a new way of doing the business of politics tonight - a way that will finally put the issues - and the nation we love - at the forefront, and perhaps even put to rest the old habit that has been practiced for too long now - the campaign circus that does little more than demean the candidates, ignore the crucial issues we face, and insult the voters...the people who really do run this country.

OBAMA: So this is where we begin. We only hope it isn't too late. What issue would you like to work on first, Hillary?

At this point I woke up. The TV was on, but Senators Clinton and Obama were not on the screen. Instead there was something about Geraldine Ferraro and another piece about an Obama supporter calling Clinton a monster...and a whole bunch about the governor of New York and a prostitute.

Oh well, I can still dream.

February Journal:

Wednesday, February 20: Following the advice of a dear friend, I intentionally have taken a lengthy break from the journal. I simply had to get out of the intensity for a while as Jonna and I have been working on settling in here. I have to confess that it wasn't particularly difficult to stay away from posting - because I've been working like crazy during this time. My job is a real feast-or-famine phenomenon. It was nearly famine through the holidays (as it usually is during holidays), but beginning the second week in January it's been feast time. Until this week, I had exactly one day off work since the middle of January, so there's been precious little time for me to do any writing anyway. At any rate, thanks to those of you who have been concerned about us - we really appreciate your concern and want you all to know that we're just fine.

A highlight of the past month was Superbowl weekend. I spent Thursday through Monday of that week in Phoenix along with three other chauffeurs from our company, schlepping partygoers up and down the side of Camelback mountain for Superbowl parties there. It was an extremely lucrative few days - but also quite a challenge. We were driving 28 passenger mini-coaches up and down steep, twisting roads with very little clearance. One gate we sometimes had to pass through was so narrow that I cleared the rear view mirrors by about an inch on either side...and had to come back down through them backwards! One of the nights the word got out that the particular party we were servicing was an open party (it was not) and the police wound up closing down the entire neighborhood for about a mile radius because hopeful partygoers had turned it into complete gridlock. The only vehicles they would let into the area were our mini-coaches as we made the trek to remove people from the mess. We definitely earned our money. I thought we had all made it through without inflicting so much as a scratch on any of the vehicles. Our boss later told me that one of the vehicles had acquired a small crease. I didn't ask which one - I just knew it wasn't mine.

While I've been absent from the journal that doesn't mean we've not been following current events. It should come as no surprise to anyone who has followed my journal that I'm very pleased with the growing momentum behind Mr. Obama's campaign. As you will recall, the primary impetus for my walk was the restoration of the Constitutionally mandated balance of power between the executive and legislative branches of our government - and the return to Constitutional faithfulness on the part of our leadership. Mr. Obama is a Constitutional scholar and, I think, the most likely candidate to actually do something concrete about restoring the foundatons of our republic. In light of what is going on, I would like to offer a few observations that I've been holding back for the past month:

I have found it interesting - and a bit paradoxical - that the people who have been backing those who tout their years of experience (both parties) as a way to dismiss Mr. Obama are the same people who undoubtedly would be in favor of strict term limits. Seems a bit odd, does it not?

As I read the coverage of the campaigns I also sometimes read some of the reader feedback on some of the columns. Recently I have seen Clinton supporters who proclaim that if Obama becomes the candidate they will vote for McCain rather than support him. I've also seen Obama supporters saying the same thing about Clinton. Since their policy positions are so similar I would like to ask you, if you fall into one of the aformentioned groups, to sit down and seriously consider your personal racist or sexist bias. Regardless of which of the two candidates emerge as the nominee, I would suggest that we make a concerted effort to rise above whatever prejudice we may hold and strongly support the nominee.

While I've made clear in the past my reservations about various candidates, I have until now refrained from actually speaking out directly for any of them. Tonight I will break that silence. Tonight I'm going to ask you to throw your support behind Mr. Obama and do all you can to work for his nomination and his election. There are a number of reasons why I've come to this decision and I'd like to outline a few:

If we have any hope of honestly addressing the incredible array of abuses inflicted on our nation by the current administration - and ending this insane war - I believe our first imperative is to give the entire Republican party a time out from the presidency. We must elect a Democrat. Given this realization - and through no fault of her own - I contend that Clinton is the most vulnerable candidate we could put forward. There is a solid element out there that is possessed of a virulent hatred of the Clintons, and I am certain that if she becomes the Democratic candidate the Republican slime machine would have a significant portion of the populace convinced that she tithes to the church of Satan and routinely sacrifices babies in midnight rituals before the campaign is over. Should she become the nominee and should she manage to get elected, the animosity would not cease, and I predict that she would be completely incapacitated by continuing blind resistance and opposition to any change she may try to make.

I also believe that Clinton is the least likely Democratic candidate to actually make the changes we so desperately need - particularly in the areas of Constitutional faithfulness and the war. Some of you are not going to like to hear me saying this, but I don't think you could successfully argue otherwise - Mr. and Mrs. Clinton are not, and have never been, liberals. They are at best moderate politicians - and at this time we don't need the maintenance of the status quo that a moderate would bring to the office. For the sake of our nation, we need corrective action from people who are unafraid to confront the status quo.

Mr. Obama has now proven himself on many levels. The organization and effectiveness of his campaign is proving his ability not only as a leader, but also as a manager with the wisdom to surround himself with competent, effective people. Where Clinton's campaign team has unerringly shot itself in the foot at every turn over the past month and a half, Obama's has maintained both momentum and message. Who would you hire - the person at the top of Clinton's present campaign or the person at the top of Obama's? Think about it.

Obama is also proving to be a truly inspirational figure, able to motivate and mobilize people both across and outside of party lines. If you're buying the oft-leveled charges of empty rhetoric, take some time to visit his website. His positions on issues are clearly laid out for all to see. Do not allow the talking heads - who have proven themselves to be completely incompetent over the last couple of months - to shape your perception of reality for you - take the time to look for yourself.

Obama would also be the candidate most immune to the type of despicable campaigning that has marked the election process for the past forty years. We have already seen that attempts to "go negative" on Obama have invariably backfired. I firmly believe that this phenomenon would continue, and the result would be that we would either see a landslide victory in November - or a campaign in which candidates were forced to abandon the personal attacks and actually address the issues in clear, understandable terms...and what a change that would be!

As we talk about change, we are presently confronted by three likely contenders to be the next president of these United States, Two of them are long established Washington figures who would certainly surround themselves with familiar faces also with long resumes and established credentials. In other words, two candidates who would construct a team consisting of the very people who have presided over the madness of the past eight years. We have a third candidate who does not have that history of establishment and would be inarguably likely to surround himself with fresh faces, motivated advisors, people who have genuinely been inspired by the candidate. No matter what your take is on the required level of experience we should expect of a chief executive, it is hard to imagine any group doing worse for the American people that what has been done lately. Add to that the realization that no president runs the nation by him/herself, but rather our governance is mostly orchestrated by the unelected advisors the candidate brings to the office, and I think you can see that we really do have a choice between more of the same and at the very least a sincere effort to right the ship of state.

So there it is - at least some of it. While at the beginning of this campaign I must honestly say that Obama may not have been my first choice of candidate (then again, he may have been), he has risen dramatically in my estimation and I believe he possesses true potential to bring many positive qualities into the presidency and to become the effective, competent leader we so desperately need at this hour.

P.S. At Jonna's suggestion, I will confess that at the beginning of this contest Mr. Edwards was my first choice. Despite how he was often characterized by the media and opponents, I have felt that Edwards was completely sincere and a person whose heart and head were both in the right place. He had the courage to admit his mistakes, had the audacity to promise a swift end to the war without equivocation, and at a time when Obama had not yet found his voice and his stride, Edwards offered both clarity and conviction. Indeed, his positions have had significant influence on both Clinton and Obama and his efforts in this campaign have had significant positive impact. While I will be pleased with any number of alternative scenarios, I continue to hold out hope for a president/vice president ticket I mentioned very early on in my journal - an Obama/Edwards ticket.

January Journal:

Thursday, January 17: We're getting closer to initiating the American Dialogue facet of the website. When I get it up and running it won't be complete...or anywhere near. But we should have at least a couple of essays in place when we finally launch it, and will be continuing to look for more.

On the homefront, Jonna and I have been putting much of our effort into rebuilding a life for ourselves, though not to the exclusion of talking, thinking and writing about what's going on in our nation and the world. Tuesday night we attended a meeting of the Ramona Peace Forum - a diverse and passionate group from Ramona, California who remain active in their protests and continually seek new ways they might be able to make a difference. Dave Patterson from the San Diego Vets for Peace is nominal leader of the forum and bought supper for us, which we consumed bite at a time beween lively and animated discussion throughout the evening. As we have noted so many times over the past year and a half, few of the members of the Ramona forum were much young than us, and I don't believe that any in attendance last night were under thirty. Very sad and, the longer this goes on, more and more distressing.

We've also been invited to a reception next Wednesday for San Diego Magazine's "Fifty People to Watch in 2008". Jonna's getting pretty nervous about this. Depending on who shows up, we'll be rubbing elbows with a crowd that is considerably different from us - from movie and TV personalities to corporate CEOs to politicians (mostly Republican - it's San Diego, after all) to high mucky-mucks in the southern California philanthropic arena...not exactly the sort of folks who have us on their speed dial. It will be interesting. If you've checked out the magazine's website (sandiegomagazine.com) you'll see that, of the fifty people they selected this year, the only one that generated a negative comment online was - guess who? Yep. Nothing I'm unaccustomed to, but I do find it intriguing how some people who are offended by what they think I'm trying to do will try to dismiss it. This one was another from the camp that concludes that since I had Jonna and the guys with me and a motorhome to sleep in most nights along the way I didn't "really" walk across the country. I guess it's only supposed to "count" if you do it carrying a backpack and eating wild berries and roadkill along the way. I responded - politely - apologizing for violating the Rules for Cross-Continent Walking while also pointing out that nobody ever told me they existed.

A little commentary on the political events of the past week and a half or so: I'm wondering how many of you bought into the alternate version of reality the media served up during the New Hampshire primaries? Here's what was presented: In the many weeks prior to the New Hampshire primary, Clinton was leading Obama in the polls by something like ten points. But after Obama's win in Iowa, the talking heads convinced themselves that this win would inevitably translate into a groundswell of support that would see him winning New Hampshire by five points or more. On the evening of the primary Clinton wound up winning by about six points. The pundits went bananas - this was a stunning upset, a comeback of "historic proportions". Yes, I actually heard at least one of them use that phrase - historic proportions. All of this chatter, of course, assumed that you had bought the media version of reality. What actually happened was that the ten point lead Clinton had in the weeks prior to the primary had narrowed to six points by the time of the vote. In others words, she managed to hang on to some of her lead. Nothing more or less than that. Yet to hear the chattering wizards of the press waxing breathless you would have thought it was a Dewey Defeats Truman moment (boy, I'm betraying my age with that one!). Keep your wits about you, ladies and gentleman - I'm certain that this is but the first of many bizarre manufactured realities we'll be bombarded with in the next many months.

Sunday, January 6: At the beginning of every year in its January edition, San Diego Magazine publishes and article on Fifty People to Watch in San Diego. This year, quietly rubbing shoulders with southern California's film and TV personalities, sports figures, business magnates, political movers and shakers, musicians, restauranteurs and social elites is one solitary war protestor/peace activist...me. How 'bout that? The magazine had called me in early December but I didn't want to say anything about it until the issue was actually published because, quite frankly, I really didn't think they'd go through with lumping me in with the San Diego glitterati - but there I am. Of course, I told them back then that I didn't see much point in putting me in with a group of People to Watch in San Diego, because I'm pretty confident that I'm already being watched...by the CIA, the FBI, Homeland Security, the Secret Service. etc. etc. Still it's a nice gesture. You can see the magazine online at sandiegomagazine.com.

I have to confess, though, that people aren't exactly beating down our door to talk to us. Once again, I'm sure that a big part of the reason for that is that we're just not weird enough to attract attention. I don't rant and rave, scream or shout. I don't look or act like a nut case. I just speak in calm, measured tones and offer reasoning that actually makes sense. I talk about the vision that most Americans share of what our country is about and how we see ourselves participating in the global community. I talk about the Constitution and how essential it is to the continued prosperity and vitality of our nation. I talk about the ultimate futility of war and the preposterous notion that we can spread democracy through force. But none of that is flashy. None of it is freakish. It just makes sense.

It's OK. Jonna and I both need time to decompress and gather ourselves together again. We're busy putting a bit of a home together for ourselves; we're both writing, scratching up enough income to keep going and generally enjoying being together and off the road. And, of course, we're still observing the insanity of the political process. The conventional wisdom of the press now seems to be that the "surge" in Iraq is working. The only thing that is working is the effort on the part of our government to lower the bar so far and redefine the meaning of success so drastically that we can point to a short term and unsustainable modification of the situation in Iraq and declare it to be a success. It's roughly the equivalent of paying your gas bill, electric bill, mortgage and car payment by charging them all to your credit card and declaring that you've succeeded in meeting your financial obligations. For those inclined to buy the idea that the surge is working, I'd like to ask a few simple questions:

Have we succeeded in removing our military personnel from a conflict in which they shouldn't have been involved in the first place? Have we succeeded in establishing anything even remotely resembling a government in Iraq that will be sustainable ten minutes after the support of the U.S. military is removed? Have we succeeded in reducing the amount of hatred being generated against our nation on a daily basis? Have we succeeded in moderating the influence of the radical fundamentalist element of Islam? Have we succeeded in terms of making our own nation any less likely to suffer the backlash of future terrorist attacks?

Once again, our military has done what it has been asked to do - and has done it admirably. But when that military itself now has the foresight to tell our government that there is no possible military solution to the problem, how is it possible for us to slap a label of "success" on a campaign whose only purpose was to buy time - to prevent a president from being forced to bring an end to this monumental debacle before he is able to slink out of the Oval Office?

Wednesday, January 2: My long absence from the journal has been anything but intentional. First, there was the long trip to Missouri and back, which you'll read about in the previous long-delayed post. Then there was the business of my web host going through a major change that left me unable to personally access and edit my website. Then Theresa, my web guru in Indiana, went on an extended holiday trip during which she was unable to get online. Upon her return home, she discovered that her home computer operating system had decided to go south (or to parts unknown) for the winter and had to do a complete reinstall. And on. And on.

At any rate, if you're reading this you'll know we finally got all - or most - of the kinks smoothed out and I'm able to post again. Keith and Michelle were both out of town for the holidays so it gave us a chance to settle in quietly for a bit. I've been quite busy at work up until a few days ago. Things get very quiet in our business during the holidays - something that many people find odd. But the company I work for caters primarily to business and professional clientele and there aren't many companies scheduling conventions, meetings, seminars and such over the holidays. There is an incredible number of fly-by-night limousine operations with one or two cars in the San Diego area who will slash their rates just to get business over the holidays so we don't do a lot in the way of party-type traffic. Even so, I found myself working over New Year's Eve, which also happens to be our anniversary. Jonna calculated that we haven't been together on our anniversary since 2000 - either she was working or I was working or we were in different parts of the country. We've decided that this coming New Year's Eve we'll have to change that.

While Keith and Michelle were away we dog-sat for Michelle's dog, Sadie. She jumped right in there and became one of the pack instantly. We would wake up in the morning with one dog sleeping on the right side of the bed, one on the left, and one at the foot. Sadie's a bit larger than our guys - I think she's a mix of Rottweiller and either Aussie or Border Collie - but she's a sweetheart. She's going to have to shed a few pounds in order to keep up with the guys, though.

The afternoon of New Year's Eve I received word from our son Jay that my mother had passed away. It was not unexpected, nor was it something for which we had not been prepared. There have been a number of instances over the past couple of years when she had surprised us by pulling through various dire circumstances, but a couple of days after Christmas she fell and broke her hip and, while the surgery to repair her hip went well, her body simply did not have the strength left to pull through the recovery process. Then, as Michelle arrived in San Diego on New Year's day, she received word that her mother had passed away. Certainly a bizarre coincidence.

Other than that, life has consisted of working, writing, settling in and both of us trying to shake an incredibly stubborn cold that we imported from Missouri. Sadly, the political situation has remained static - which is to say insane. We have a quarter of a million of our military personnel waging campaigns that will do nothing in the long run but continue to worsen our safety, our stature in the world, our economy and the stability of the entire planet in general...and people hum along through the holidays as if none of it was happening - and it doesn't even seem to be a critical campaign issue at this point. Unless we wake up and figure this out we really are looking at literally decades more of the same, which, rather than resulting in something called success or victory will surely result in a ferocity of backlash from which will may never be able to recover. Yet the blinders are still in place and the Bush Doctrine - as he himself has called it - promises to eventually destroy our nation - either from without or from within. Reminds me of an old saying - where there is no vision, the people will perish.

December Journal:

Friday, December 23: My apologies for being absent from the journal for so long. It's been a hectic time, but we all arrived safely back in San Diego yesterday afternoon. Somehow we managed to dance around a vast array of treacherous weather and had essentially smooth sailing throughout the entire adventure. That said, I figured I'd lay out a bit of a travelogue:

After arriving safely at Becky and Joey's last week I took a couple of days to decompress. Jonna and I wanted to make the trip to Chicago last Sunday to spend a day with our youngest son, Dietrich. Of course it snowed about eight inches in Hannibal on Saturday, but by Sunday morning the roads looked like they were in good shape so off we went to Chicago. The drive was no problem - athough we passed probably a couple of dozen vehicles that had slid off the road in various places. It was all freeway, however, and as long as you stayed in the right hand lane and didn't do anything stupid there was no problem.

Have I mentioned that the van has no heat? The van has no heat. We left Chicago Monday afternoon to return to Hannibal and the next several hours were some of the coldest of my life. Jonna bundled up in a sleeping bag in the passenger's seat, but not having the luxury of being able to wrap myself in a cocoon, I nearly froze my toes off. Yet one more reminder of why we moved to San Diego in the first place.

We spent Tuesday packing the van. The original idea was to rent a trailer to haul all our stuff back to San Diego - we had everything that had been in Nessie plus some stuff we had stored at Becky and Joey's. But after looking it over I figured that we ought to be able to fit it all inside the van. That meant we wouldn't be able to use the van for sleeping quarters on the way back as we had planned - but being without heat sort of messed that up anyway. And it would actually cost us less to stay in a motel every night on the way back than it would have cost to rent a trailer anyway.

I managed to fit everything in the van, stuffing every nook and cranny I could find, and still had enough room for the guys to be comfortable behind us. We headed out Wednesday morning planning to generally take the same route back I had taken out. That plan held until the third day.

We had stopped in Tucumcari for the second night of the trip and in the morning I cranked up the computer to check weather. The next leg would take us due west into Flagstaff, then down through Phoenix to Yuma. But they were predicting a high of 25 degrees in Flagstaff, a low of 9 - and a strong possibility of snow. Remembering the trip from Chicago to Hannibal, I felt it would be prudent to head south as quickly as we could, so at Albuquerque we bent south on Interstate 25 toward Deming, headed for Tucson.

It was a good thing we did. Nasty looking clouds hung just over us and darkened the skies to the west the entire way. A couple of times it did catch us just a bit and we hit patches of rain, but generally we barely skirted the edge of the nastiness. It was a two-fisted, white-knuckle run down I-25 though, as heavy crosswinds tossed us around like a basketball.

After the third night's stay in Tucson the remaining few hundred miles were a piece of cake and we made it into La Mesa early Saturday afternoon. We had brought along an unwelcome hitchhiker, though - Jonna and I both arrived with a terrible nasty cold that's had her in bed ever since our arrival and me not doing too much better. Just tonight it's beginning to feel like we'll make it out the other end, so tomorrow I'm hoping we'll both be feeling much better. Keith and Michelle have both gone on the road for the holidays so we have the place all to ourselves until after the first, which will be very nice as it will give us a chance to settle in...and collapse. Wherever home may be, there's no place like it. And we're home.

Those of you who have been reading my babble from the beginning will recall Don Day. I met Don last September as we were first trying to get the word out about my intention to walk across the United States. Don had been suffering from an impressive array of dire illnesses for some time when I met him. As I understand it, his doctors had given him less than a month to live several times over the previous couple of years, but he always managed to confound them. I was told that when he read about what I was intending to do he was at that moment on what everyone - including himself - thought was his deathbed. But he became so excited about what I was trying to do that suddenly he was up and at it again.

Don has had a long and illustrious career that often involved fighting city hall - and winning. He wanted desperately to dredge up his old contacts and network and work them on my behalf, but his health remained terrible and it was all he could do to cheer me on. I let him know that just his personal support meant the world to me and not to worry about trying to do too much, and he became my official press agent. He also wrote a letter formally firing Duncan Hunter as his representative and appointing me in his place - and he gave me his dogtags to carry with me to Washington. I promised him I would do that - and I did. His fondest wish was that he would be able to hang around until I made it to D.C. and would be able to fly out to meet me there. He got part of that wish - he made it through, but was not in any sort of shape to fly cross country to join me when I arrived.

When I returned to San Diego the business of getting re-established and settled in kept me from seeing Don again until right around Thanksgiving, when I finally made it over to his place and returned his dogtags to him. Although he obviously was still in terrible shape, he looked better to me than at any time since I had met him.

While we were in Hannibal Jonna got a call from Don's daughter. Don had finally lost his long battle on November 26th, just four days after Ann Herman. In the confusion that always follows such sorrow they had been unable to find my phone number and had forgotten all about the website until the day she called. Don's death came just days after I saw him last.

Jonna always called Don our personal leprechaun; he had that look about him and, even in the condition he was in, always had a smile on his face and a gleam in his eye. We wish we could have known him before he had been robbed of his health. I would like to have seen him at work on the various windmills he tackled - and defeated; I'm sure I would not have wanted to try to stand in his way when he took on the powers of government so few seem to have the courage to confront.

Don credited me with getting him up off his deathbed and giving him the life he had beyond last September. I can't accept that credit. It was his passion to see injustices addressed, his determination to do the right thing regardless of the effort or cost that inspired him and kept him going. I was just along for the ride for a far too short time. Our condolences to his wife Sandy, the kids and granddaughter. Your loss is shared by many.

Friday, December 14: We are FINALLY back together again! I managed to successfully duck between midwest storms and arrived in Hannibal yesterday about 3 p.m. The trip was generally uneventful - save for the fact that the van has no heat and I nearly froze my toes off every evening. That said, a brief travelogue:

Tuesday - La Mesa to Gallup, NM: Smooth sailing except for the area around Flagstaff, where I encountered light snow showers; not enough to affect the road conditions, but enough to make me tense and nervous. My sustenance for the trip consists of a pound of really nice, thin-sliced roast beef I bought the evening before I left, a loaf of bread, mayonnaise, a bag of pretzels and sufficient Mountain Dew to keep me lubricated. In other words, only the finest health food. I stopped for the evening at 640 miles in West Gallup, New Mexico, where I parked beside a Love's travel station and cranked up the portable propane heater that Keith had kept in the van. It turned out to be barely useful. It did provide enough heat to keep the van warm through the night, but went through two canisters of propane to do so.

A short glimpse into the rather strange way my mind often works: I hadn't driven through the area around Gallup for several years, but in the back of my mind I remembered that there was a town near Gallup along route 40 that was named Brown-something. Brownsville? Brownburg? Browning. That was it. Browning. There was a town near Gallup named Browning. I don't know why I remembered it, but I did. So I began looking for it. Sure enough, I found it the next morning, east of Gallup. But it wasn't Browning.

It was Thoreau.

Seems that my unconscious associations work - they're just one peg off.

Wednesday - Gallup to Springfield, MO: I didn't really intend to drive so far in a single day, but wound up putting in exactly 900 miles before the day was over. I don't think I've ever driven through the area around Gallup in the daytime before and was delighted by the beautiful painted mesas decorating the high desert landscape. I was concerned about this leg because of the recent nasty weather that had ravaged the area, but the skies remained clear and the road was dry so I had no problem - other than the lack of heat. When I called Jonna to report my progress as I passed through Oklahoma City she insisted that I take a motel room for the night and thaw out a bit. I was not reluctant to comply.

By the way, is there another city in the country with freeway roads as LOUSY as those in Oklahoma City? Every time we have to pass through there we dread it. They are the roughest, nastiest roads in existence.

In keeping with Jonna's wishes I planned to stop for the evening in Tulsa. There was one minor hitch - there were no motels rooms to be had. People who had been without power since the ice storm came through had booked every available motel room in Oklahoma. So continued on. Sold out in Joplin, Missouri as well. It was not until just south of Springfield, Missouri that I found an available motel. It was a good thing, because I was so cold that I was right on the verge of pulling over and using my last propane canister to thaw my toes out. I got into the room right around 3:30 a.m. The first thing I did was run a tub of nice, hot water and soak myself until I stopped shivering. The good news is that this left less than 300 miles for the third day of the trip.

Thursday - Springfield to Hannibal: The skies had been clear and blue for most of the trip, but gave way to a leaden overcast through Missouri. The weather remained dry, however. I found a new favorite business name as I passed through Springfield - the Snorty Horse Tavern. I didn't stop. My route took me through Lake of the Ozarks and Jefferson City, and it was in Lake of the Ozarks that the effects of the ice storm became evident. Trees were still laden with ice everywhere, and the number that had lost major limbs to the weight of the ice was truly impressive. The scenery was quite beautiful, with trees shimmering silvery all along the route.

I had kept the room until the 11 a.m. checkout time so I got a late start, but 255 miles later I pulled into Hannibal. I had successfully ducked in between Mother Nature's wrathful storms and made it without incident. Jonna was there to greet me, of course, and the guys and I rolled around on the living room floor for a while - Spoof frantically chewed on my beard (an obsession of his) while Finn gave the rest of my face a thorough bath. I had been gone way too long.

The plan now is to head to Chicago on Sunday to spend a day with Dietrich before heading back west. We'll return to Hannibal Monday night, pack things up Tuesday and leave Wednesday morning - if the weather cooperates with our plans. The original idea was to rent a small trailer to haul all our belongings from Nessie back home, but with the fact that the van has no heat, we may pack everything nto the van instead. We had planned to sleep in the van each evening, but the lack of heat makes that difficult. Besides, it will probably cost us less to hit a motel each evening than it would have cost to rent a trailer. There may be some things we'll have to leave behind, but we'll be back next spring to fetch Nessie anyway, so what we can't take can wait until then.

So, a few days to visit and recuperate and we're off to California. To say I am looking forward to getting everyone home again would be a gross understatement. But now we're together.

Sunday, December 9: Mother Nature is not playing fair. She has at her disposal a seemingly limitless array of atmospheric phenomena - which she seems to have employed with sadistic and gleeful abandon over the past few days - while all I have is a 23 year old van and a burning desire to be reuntied with my lady love and our puppies. Obviously, Ma Nature has won the burrent round and has delayed my departure until at least Tuesday morning. But I will not be denied much longer. She can't keep it up indefinitely. Well, actually she can - but I will find a moment shortly when her back is turned and I will sneak on through to Missouri, gather everyone up and whisk them back to California. Mother Nature may be impressive, but I am determined. I shall prevail.

Wednesday, December 5: The time has come - at long, long, long last - for spouse and doggie retrieval. We've finally scraped together enough pennies (and nickels and dimes and...) to make the road trip eastward, gather everyone up and haul them on back to San Diego. I'll leave Sunday morning. Jonna will be going to Chicago for the last few days to spend some time with our son Dietrich, so I'll pick her up there, turn around and head back to Hannibal, pick up Finn and Spoof, lash a little trailer on the van's butt and pack it full of our worldly belongings and stirke out for the west coast. It's been way too long. We've had a number of occasions in our married life when we've had to be away from each other for extended periods - and we don't like it one bit. We're just going to have to knock that off.

I wish I could follow my walking route, but we have to do this as economically as possible, so I'll be roughly following the route I would have taken last winter had the weather not forced me to stay south through January and February. I'll be on my walking route through Gila Bend, but will bend north there to go through Phoenix, Albuquerque and Oklahoma City. Of course I'll be taking the computer along so I can stay in touch.

Not too much to report here over the last week - just been working as much as I can to get to where I can make this trip. Nothing really new on the political scene for that matter either. The intelligence on Iran was cooked? Surprise, surprise. Nobody's holding this administration accountable for anything? Surprise. The stupendous neocon fiasco known as the New American Century that spawned this sorry war, trashed our nation's reputation and dismantled our Constitution is going to cost us three trillion dollars - or more? Surprise.

I have an assignment for America. First, turn off American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, your iPods, your video games and any and everything else designed to distract you from the real world. Next, borrow a Civics or American History textbook from your nearest 8th grader.

Read it. See if you can find the parts that talk about the Constitution. See if you can find the parts that talk about separation of powers and checks and balances. Read these parts several times.

Now, contrast and compare. We have an executive branch that is claiming (Guantanamo, wire tapping, etc.) that the judicial branch has no authority over its actions because they are necessary for national security. Is there a provision that permits this claim? We have a Congress that claims impeachment would be too divisive and traumatic. Are these grounds to ignore the provisions of the Constitution? This same Congress has - and is - failing at every turn to exercise oversight over the demands of the executive branch. Is this permissible - or tolerable? We have "free speech zones". Can you find mention of such a concept?

Take your time. Take it all in, and hold it up to the daily workings of our government. Let me know when the light begins to dawn. Let me know when you've figured out that the normative operation of our government at this very moment bears little - if any - resemblance to the principles described in those books that tell us how our republic is supposed to function.

I know you're waiting for new leaders to emerge who will finally begin reassembling the nation you love and bring us back on the path that leads to the ideals of what and who we believe and profess ourselves to be. But here's the thing. Whatever leaders emerge from the present morass have been an intrinsic part of that morass for a considerable period of time already. It is only reasonable to conclude that most likely none of them are capable of making (and few of them are even capable of perceiving) the drastic corrections that must be made. I know I said it well over a year ago, but here it comes again: it is now up to us - the People - to demand a return to Constitutional principles and responsible leadership. We can settle for nothing less. Less than a year from now we have a national election scheduled. My personal recommendation would be to kick all of them out. Certainly we must rid ourselves of enough of the current crop to convince those that remain that we mean business. We want our republic back - and we will do whatever it takes to get it back. Our intrinsic tendency to trust those in positions of authority to do the right thing has been taken as apathy. It has been interpreted as carte blanche. It is neither of those, and that tendency to trust has finally hit the wall. Be prepared, ladies and gentlemen - brothers and sisters. The time may well be at hand when it will be necessary for us to stand up, once again, individually, as patriots. The time may well be at hand when, in order to secure freedom for our children, it will be necessary for us to make courageous sacrifices. We have a legacy to honor. We have a republic to preserve. If our elected representatives won't or can't do it, we must be ready and willing to do it ourselves. We are now well beyond the need for a course correction; it's time to haul out the map.

Tuesday, November 27: I met so many absolutely wonderful people during the course of my walk that it would take a long, long time just to list them all. But I confess that there is a special place in my heart for many of the folks I met early on - those who assisted me before I had even a thousand miles behind me and nobody (but myself) had any reason whatsoever to believe that I would make it clear across the continent. Even so, they came to my aid in many places along the way - from Banner to Imperial to Yuma to Tucson to Sierra Vista to Las Cruces to El Paso.

And among those caring, giving people there were those whose spirit gleamed especially bright. One of those was Anne Herman, who I met in El Paso. In fact, other than my own son, I enjoyed Anne's hospitality for more nights than anyplace else along my journey. I tried to make a point of not imposing myself on anyone more than two nights along my way, but circumstances dictated that I had to remain in El Paso much longer than normal, and through much of the time I was Anne's guest. I didn't even realize until the third evening at her place that she had actually given up her own bedroom for me and was sleeping on the couch.

Anne had literally traveled the world working for causes of peace and justice. She was far, far from wealthy in any monetary sense. I think she shared understanding that what resources we have are ours to hold in trust, and that wherever there is a need that we can meet we do so, without any particular concern about our own needs. Her car was pretty much held together with spit and baling wire, but she would happily drive out to pick me up each day after my walk - and return me the next morning so I could continue. At the same time, she was helping a young soldier through the convoluted process of seeking conscientious objector status and working on lord knows what other projects.

She and I both knew back then that she wasn't in very good health, but that was just the way things were. There wasn't much anyone could do about it, so she just kept on keeping on. She lived with her daughter Beth in El Paso, and when Beth accepted a position at the University of Alabama this summer, she sold her house and they moved together to Alabama. Today I received word from Bob in El Paso that Anne had been diagnosed with cancer and had contracted pneumonia a short time ago. Battling both proved to be more than her body could take, and Anne passed away on Thursday.

The world is a bit darker and colder. There are precious few people with Anne's heart and spirit - so few that it makes our loss great. She is one of those people whose impact on the lives of other cannot possibly be measured, as even she would have had no idea of the number of lives she enriched, the number of hearts she touched, the number of friends she made. But I don't think the thought of measuring her impact would ever have occured to her; her reward was in the doing - simple as that.

A couple of months ago I was stunned and a bit flustered when I happened to encounter a website where someone had listed me as one of their heroes. I remain unable to wrap my head around that - I don't feel like there is anything particularly heroic about me - I've only done what I felt I had to do. But if, for whatever reason, you have ever had the loopy notion that I fit the role of hero, I want to let you know tonight that your heroes have heroes. Anne was a hero to me, and I know without doubt a hero to many - and if you really wanted a good idea of what a hero is all about I would have unreservedly pointed you in her direction. It was my great, great pleasure to have known you, Anne. You will be missed by many. You will be missed by me.

 

Sunday, November 25: The Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone and, despite the fact that Jonna and I are still half a continent apart, it turned out to be a good time here. Kari, Joey, their kids and John - a long, long time family friend all came over. Michelle invited one of her sons and his girlfriend and we all celebrated the day in very traditional style. This was my first time being in charge of the entire Thanksgiving meal preparation and I was looking forward to it a bit apprehensively. For me, the most challenging part of cooking is timing; everything has to be done at the same time and that's quite a challenge when you're talking about something as prodigious as a Thanksgiving feast and you only have one oven to work with. I did have help: Kari made the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, some chili and a cranberry relish, and Michelle made the stuffing. She was disappointed that keith and I vetoed making the stuffing in the turkey, but Keith was worried about being sure everything was done completely through and I was concerned about the extra time that would add to baking the turkey, so she gave in. I prepared everything else - the turkey, gravy, a plate of celery, carrots and olives, mulled cider, crescent rolls, two pumpkin pies and two of the world's best custard pies. They aren't the world's best because of the cook - but rather because of the recipe. Anyone can make them, and I'll put the recipe in here so you can give them a shot. It turns out a better, thicker custard pie than you've ever seen - and if you've never had custard pie you're in for a treat.

At any rate, the timing came out just right, everything was done beautifully and we all stuffed ourselves silly. The kids stayed through the evening and everyone got to know everyone and had a good time together. Mykah fell in love with Michelle's dog, Sadie and asked if she could stay with grandpa overnight. We understood that it wasn't really grandpa she wanted to stay with, however. Tucker, Mykah's brother and grandchild number three, remained true to form and spent the evening climbing on, under and over every obstacle in sight. I'm afraid Kari and Joey are going to become much more familiar with the emergency room than they would prefer. Tucker's only a bit over two and they've already paid several visits. Tucker seems as yet unable to grasp the concept of gravity.

Since Thanksgiving day we've been experiencing my favorite part of the holiday - the leftovers. Friday it was hot turkey sandwiches, stuffing, mashed potatoes and pie. Saturday it was turkey salad sandwiches and the last of the stuffing, mashed potatoes and pie. I'm always happy when I get to make the turkey salad, because I make it very simply - turkey, mayonnaise, a little salt and pepper and sliced green olives. The stuffing and mashed potatoes gave out on Saturday, so Sunday we continued with the turkey salad and pie. Today the pie and turkey salad was gone, so I boiled the remains of the turkey for a while and made turkey soup with rice and vegetables. That should last us through tomorrow, at which point we say a fond farewell to Thanksgiving leftovers...and begin looking forward to Christmas dinner.

Work is slow, as predicted, but they've been able to find me enough to assure that it won't be terribly disastrous come next payday. But at the same time some unforeseen circumstances have dictated that my journey eastbound to fetch Jonna and the guys is going to be delayed once again. We're still shooting for some time between Thanksgiving and Christmas - but it now looks like it's going to be closer to Christmas than to Thanksgiving. Sigh.

On the political front, I see that the far right war brigade is making as much as possible of a relatively quiet period in Baghdad. Lest we forget - whatever the situation is or becomes in Baghdad - or in Iraq in general - is completely beside the point. The point is that what we have been doing and what we are doing in Iraq is unethical, immoral, un-American and flat out wrong regardless of the outcome. The point is that we were misled - flat-out lied - into a war that shouldn't have happened in the first place and certainly shouldn't be continuing. The point is that the people who manipulated us into that war continue to avoid being held responsible for what they did. The point is that this misbegotten war has led to the devastation of our own nation both financally and constitutionally, and has placed us one very small step away from morphing our republic into a police state or a dictatorship...and the abuses to our Constitution and our rights and freedoms continue, while we have no idea when, if ever, those abuses will be corrected and our republic restored. The point is that the anti-American sentiment in the world continues to build day by day, assuring that we will be under extreme peril from terrorist activities for generations to come - and despite billions upon billions of dollars being thrown away, not one single thing has yet been done to address that threat in any sane fashion. The point is that no one in a position of leadership even seems to be talking about any of this, but rather they continue to play the game of partisan maneuvering - completely abandoning the idea that what they are supposed to be doing is working for the good of the nation rather than the prosperity of their party. The point is, well...I think you get the point. I wish more people would.

A fairly early start tomorrow so I have to call it quits for now and turn in. But first, the custard pie recipe, as promised:

MILK CUSTARD PIE

4 eggs, slightly beaten

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 tsp vanilla

2 1/2 cups whole milk, scalded

Unbaked pie shell

Scald milk. Stir rest of ingredients into milk. Pour into 8 inch pie shell and sprinkle with nutmeg. Bake at 350 degrees until knife inserted in center comes out clean (about 1 hour and ten munites).

Double recipe to make two 8 inch pies.

To make one 10 inch pie, double recipe except - use 4 1/2 cups milk to avoid a watery pie.

Hints: When you see the first hint of browning anywhere on the surface of the filling, the pie should be done. The most difficult part is getting the filling into the pies and getting them in the oven without spilling them all over the place. I recommend filling the pie shells about 3/4 full, sliding them into the oven, then filling them the rest of the way using a measuring cup. The pie should be as full as possible and I think this is the only way to do it without making a real mess.  DO NOT use 2% or anything other than whole milk - it will produce a watery, thin pie.

 

Monday, November 19: I had yesterday and today off work, which is a real good news/bad news event. On the good news side, I've been working many and long days for a while now and it was good to pretty much collapse for a couple of days. On the bad news side, it marks the beginning of what may well be a very lean time stretching until the beginning of next year. This surprises most everyone, because most people tend to associate limousines with parties and such and assume that the holiday season would be a very busy time for us. But the business of the company I work for is heavily concentrated on corporate and professional clientele, and very few businesses schedule conventions, meetings or other corporate events over the holidays so our work slows way, way down. I'll be campaigning for as much work as I can get, but there won't be anywhere near as much available for a while as there has been. Then again, on the good news side, some time between Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a good time to take off and finally make it back to Missouri to fetch Jonna and the guys.

I was invited to speak last night at a dinner meeting of the San Diego Coalition for Peace and Justice. It was a soup supper and the food was excellent. I wanted to keep my focus, so I wrote what I intended to say beforehand so I wouldn't get too carried away - which I have a tendency to do if I don't exercise a bit of discipline. Besides, I was asked to speak for about ten minutes and wanted to keep within the time frame. I was a bit taken aback when I finished and the room gave me a standing ovation. I didn't expect and wasn't prepared for that sort of reaction. When I'm asked to speak I usually come up with some sort of theme for what I have to say, and I did that last night. I'm not going to post the entirety of what I said last night, but here's the thematic portion of what I offered:

Whenever I'm offered the opportunity to speak I gladly take it, because even though I'm nobody in particular, I will jump at the chance to let people know how I feel, even though I often step on many toes when I do so. And tonight, I want to let you know how I feel.

I am amazed. I am amazed that the strongest, wealthiest, most promising nation ever to grace the face of the earth - a nation that I do not believe could ever be toppled by war or by terrorism or by enemies from without is, as I speak, being held hostage by a spoiled, rich, poster child for arrested development with a boundless ego and a bit of a messiah complex who, abetted by half of our Congress performing as enablers and unfettered by the other half who seem unable to locate a single backbone in their entire ranks, is resolutely dismantling our republic and selling it off to the highest bidders for spare parts.

I am amazed that we have come to a place where our unions no longer have the strength to protect our workplaces or our jobs.

I am amazed that the average citizen has become so distracted or apathetic that collectively we sit silently by and watch our Constitution - the very foundation of our entire society - being shredded into dust.

I am amazed that the Democratic party seems determined at this point in time to back the candidate who presents the least potential to actually correct any of the abuses our system of government has endured over the past seven years.

I am amazed that in the year 2000 one of the central campaign themes was the rule of law, and seven short years later the man sitting in the Oval Office has issued over 150 signing statements asserting that he is not bound by over one thousand, one hundred and fifty provisions of those laws.

I am amazed that fully twenty-five percent of the homeless people in this country are veterans of military service - and nobody seems particularly disturbed by that.

I am amazed that thousands upon thousands of young families who put everything they had into the promise of the real estate casino - I mean the real estate market - are suddenly discovering that not only are they losing their piece of the pie, but the entire bakery has become off limits to all but the fattest of us.

I am amazed, quite honestly amazed, that the average citizen is not yet aware that the free, strong, vibrant, beautiful country that was bestowed upon them by the generations that came before will be nothing more than a bitter memory for their children and grandchildren unless they wake up immediately and resolve to reclaim it.

After my presentation I made a number of new contacts and - I hope - new friends that I'm hoping will lead to more opportunities to speak to various groups.

While I'm on the subject, those who have been following my scrawlings for any length of time should have figured out by now that I am a chronic, curmudgeonly observer of the passing parade and regularly - in one way or another - feel compelled to vent at the overabundance of inanity I seem to routinely encounter. A week ago, Keith brought me an article that had been printed in the San Diego Union Tribune. It was entitled, "Survival of the Sacred" and was written by a Mr. Dinesh D'Souza who is, to quote Wikipedia, "an author currently serving as the Robert and Karen Rishwain Fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University. D'Souza is the author of numerous New York Times best selling books and one of the most prolific and prominent conservative writers and speakers in the United States." To summarize Mr. D'Souza's article, he opined that the world's religious community will overcome and ultimately erase the non-religious segment of society. His primary evidence for this assumption is that cultures he identifies as religious are procreating at a greater rate than culture he identifies as non-religious. This is because, he maintains, religious people have a more positive and hopeful perspective on life than the non-religious who, in their despair and lack of eternal motivation, see no point in bringing children into this world.

As I read Mr. D'Souza's article, my jaw progessively dropped until, by the time I finished, I believe it was hanging somewhere in the vicinity of my shoelaces. If this article was representative of Mr. D'Souza's reasoning capacity, and if he has become an influential writer in pop-Christian circles, may heaven help us all. The entire past year of my life has been devoted to trying to get people to think; to think beyond the trite slogans and the knee jerk responses and get down to what we're saying (and doing) really means - both to us and to others. And now I encounter yet one more hack out there who is blithely dumbing down an unsuspecting public. I immediately sat down and wrote a letter to the editor regarding the article. The next morning I got an email from the editorial department asking me if I could condense my comments to about two hundred words. I gave it a shot (the original was a bit over 500 words), but the closest I could come without losing the major points was about three hundred. I guess this wasn't good enough because the paper didn't publish my letter, although they did publish a couple of others from readers with a similar reaction to the article.

At any rate, here's the letter I wrote:

The article by Dinesh D'Souza (Survival of the Sacred) published in Sunday's paper is perhaps the goofiest piece of misapplied logic I've read in a long time. His argument for the premise that religious faith is prospering essentially boils down to his conclusion that religious cultures are procreating at a greater rate than non-religious (or not clearly religious) cultures and therefore will surely not only survive but ultimately supplant the non-religious. By his measure, a petri dish full of bacteria would represent the most sublime example of a religious community: they procreate with abandon, until they exhaust the agar in their petri dish...then they die. Unfortunately, he leaves out that last part.

The fact of the matter is that those cultures he points to as the lost, secular segments of society are far closer to an understanding of foundational faith principles than the religious communities he cites. Even religion evolves and learns over time, and in the 21st century, people of faith who truly seek God have finally learned that a) the prosperity and survival of the community is more important than the prosperity and survival of the individual; b) they are called by God - however they may perceive God - to be responsible stewards of God's creation, and c) responsible stewardship of a finite creation mandates, among other things, a true concern about such matters as overpopulation, depletion of natural resources and fouling of our environment that necessitates fundamental changes in the way humanity behaves in this world.

Declining birthrates in some societies, far from being any sort of evidence of hopelessness or lack of a religious foundation, actually illustrate cultures that are finally "getting it". The unevolved segment of religious society clings to the literalist facts of the story itself, forgetting - or refusing to understand - the point of the story. Thus we have this continuing, preposterous argument pitting evolution against creation, and the continuing search for signs and divine intervention to the point of apocalyptic desires. Meanwhile, the evolving religious community has finally figured out that the story of creation is precisely that - a story - with a crucial point: humanity is incredibly special and has an innate responsibility as the steward of our beautiful planet. The evolving religious community reads the story of Noah's ark and doesn't neglect the ending, which contains the point of the story: don't expect God to come around anymore and straighten out our messes through divine intervention, but organize yourselves through reasonable laws and responsible governance to avoid getting into such a predicament again.

Religion may indeed survive and thrive - I certainly hope so. But it will only do so if it is able to evolve itself - wean itself from much of its superstitious trappings and pursue its ideals of justice, mercy and grace that are the foundation of its relevance, and learn the lessons its ancient texts have been trying to tell it for the last several thousand years - lessons that it sometimes seems the non-religious segments of society are picking up quicker than those who claim to be religious.

Mr. D'Souza has published eleven books, some of them best sellers, and is a Fellow at Stanford. Meanwhile I'm scratching around trying to find a publisher. Sheesh.

Monday, November 12: I've been running at such a frantic pace lately that I've had precious little time for introspection - and even less for keeping up with current events or commenting on them. The national and international situation is still as distressing as ever and I don't think there's much I could say right now that would be much more than a rephrasing of what I've already said, but I actually had a day off today and a chance to decompress a bit, so I thought that rather than launching into a political diatribe I'd take some time this evening to describe our present living arrangements.

Jonna and the guys are still in Missouri with Becky and her family of course. They're waiting until can raise the capital to get them back here with me, which shouldn't take too much longer - I hope. They've put Nessie into hibernation for now. It looks like the most reasonable scenario is that I will drive out to Missouri to fetch them as soon as that becomes possible.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm staying in La Mesa with a gentleman by the name of Keith. Keith is about ten years my senior and has converted his garage into a "granny flat", and has provided me the use of that space rent free while we get ourselves back together again. This is not Keith's sole act of generosity. Also living here is Michelle. Michelle finds herself in a similar situation to me, although for different reasons - and is occupying the master bedroom and another bedroom of Keith's place.

Keith is quite a character. He is a tremendously pleasant and intelligent man, but often becomes so immersed in the details of any given endeavor that it nearly immobilizes him. I think I have been helpful in some ways to him, as I tend to jump in and tackle a project or problem without being too much concerned about the details. As a result, together we have managed to accomplished several tasks around here together that had been hanging fire for some time and, as much as my work schedule will allow, we are getting a number of things done around here. The biggest single projct so far is that we've knocked a hole in the wall of Michelle's bedroom and installed french doors that permit her access to her rooms without having to go through the main part of the house. We'll also be installing a small kitchenette for her and then tackling the project of adding a separate bathroom to the granny flat. We've already moved the washer and dryer that had been occupying the space where the bathroom will go to a back room of the house.

I think I've found my niche and am earning at least part of my keep by becoming the resident chef. Neither Keith nor Michelle seem to have much in the way of cooking expertise. I think they've both been subsisting primarily on sandwiches and fast food. Jonna and I both enjoy cooking and, although I'm nowhere near as good at it as Jonna I can whip up a pretty decent meal. I think Keith nearly went into throes of ecstacy the first time I made a pork roast, with gravy and veggies and the whole works. Through the entire meal he kept saying, "Gee, I can't remember the last time had gravy!" So now I make a real meal for the three of us every chance I get, which only comes about twice a week or so. But where they were used to just grabbing something and going to their individual spaces to eat, now we sit down together at the table at least twice a week and have a meal together - and a chance to talk and share ideas. To tell the truth, I think this is actually what Keith wants - and needs - far more than rent.

When I arrived I also had to tackle the problem of transportation. As it turned out, Keith also happened to have an old camper - a stretch van conversion with a raised top - that had been sitting idle for a couple of years beside his garage. He had been thinking about getting rid of it, and it is just the sort of vehicle Jonna and I would love to have, so he's letting me use it for now until we can buy it from him. I've tentatively dubbed it Son of Nessie. It's an 84 Dodge van that is all set up inside for camping/traveling - small stove, refrigerator, even a toilet. It also has all the hookups for electric and propane. The only thing it lacks right now is a generator and think I'll be able to add that and have a fully functioning downsized version of Nessie. This is what I'll drive back to Missouri in the not too distant future to retrieve Jonna and the guys. It already has a tow hitch on the back so we can rent a small trailer to haul the rest of our worldly goods back here as well.

As Keith is so meticulous, the van is in excellent running order, even having set idle for a couple of years. Only trouble with it is that it's all white and I tend to think I look like either the Good Humor man or transportation for the Happy Dale Funny Farm. A paint job will certainly be on the agenda at some point.

Along with Keith, Michelle and myself we have the company of Sadie, Michelle's dog. Sadie looks like a mix between a Rottweiler and an Australian Shepherd and is a big ol' sweetie. She has one nasty vicious sounding bark and growl which would certainly keep any stranger at bay, but she's a real creampuff. I'm sure she and the guys will get along famously.

Keith's home is a very pleasant setting. It's a ranch style, with the original garage - now the granny flat - forming an L. Keith subsequently added another garage on the other front side, so taken together the house, flat and garage now form a U. The front of the U is fenced, which provides a nice little atrium area in front where I often go and sit with Sadie while I wake up in the morning and before I turn in for the night. The fence and granny flat are nearly buried under a magnificent, prolific bougainvillea which Jonna is going to absolutely love. There are also pine and palm trees out front and several trees in the small, fenced back yard - some of which are going to have to come down, a project that's on our to-do list.

Keith's wonderful generosity has turned what would have been an extremely difficult, trying time into something that is not only survivable, but I think will prove to be both enjoyable and beneficial for all of us. We are truly blessed to have made his acquaintance and I'm looking forward to Jonna and the guys getting back here and the experience of community that we'll have during this time.

Saturday, November 10: Sorry for the atypical silence here in the journal for so long, but I've been really, really busy. Today was a good example - got up to go to work at 2 a.m., got home from work at 8:30 p.m. It all brings me that much closer to being able to get Jonna and the guys back here with me, but it sure doesn't leave much time for anything else. Some days I haven't even had a chance to check email, let alone reply to anyone. But I haven't forgotten about any of you - and hope you don't forget about us. As soon as I can catch my breath I'll be doing some more posting here - promise. And until then:

Peace.

Sunday, November 4: It was exactly one year ago today that I took the first steps along the road that would lead me nearly nine months later to Washington, D.C. I would probably wax poetic on that tonight - indeed, there are many thoughts swirling around in my head - but to be frank, I'm pooped. I had one of those occasional periods in this job where you get run a bit ragged. Saturday's work ended with a oarty run that saw me getting back to the garage after 1:30 in the morning - and Sunday's work began at 5 a.m. There was no sense in going home, so I crashed on the couch in the chauffeur's lounge and managed to get about three hours worth of sleep. Then, my last run for today wound up getting delayed...late arriving aircraft, lost luggage, you name it - so by the time I actually got home I just collapsed. And that's where I'm at. Fortunately, tomorrow I don't have to start until after noon, so I'll be able to do a bit of catching up tonight, but I'm just completely wiped out right now. Guess I'll just have to wax poetic later.

Friday, November 2: A little foreword here - I've received a couple of caring inquiries, so I know that if a few followers of the journal are concerned there are probably others, and I wanted to put everyones' minds at ease. I'm in San Diego; Jonna and the guys are still in Missouri; is everything OK between us? Absolutely - except for the fact that we miss each other ferociously. Our continued separation is purely a financial and logistical problem. As soon as we can manage to get Jonna and the guys back here with me we will. But when I say that it took everything we had to do this it was not a dramatic point. I arrived back in San Diego dead flat broke. Through Keith's good graces I have a place to stay, but we still have some regular bills to attend to and until I can accumulate enough through my work to keep on paying those and get the gang back here with me, they're safe with Becky, Joey and Katelyn in Missouri. They can't fly back because most of what we own and need to set up housekeeping is with them in Nessie, so either they'll have to bring Nessie back or I'll have to drive out to get them and bring them back or Jonna will have to rent something big enough for her and the guys and our stuff, drive back and leave Nessie in storage in Missouri for now. One of the last two will probably be the solution, as we have a place we can store Nessie in Missouri whereas it will be very difficult to find accommodatons for her in San Diego. I'm hoping that we'll be able to manage it around the middle of the month, although right now it looks like it's going to be more toward the end of the month. But please don't worry - we are more in love every day and are only apart right now because we have no other option. I really didn't want to mention this, but on the other hand I didn't want you worrying about us either. Just know that we truly do appreciate your concern.

The Public Trust, Taxes and Fear

When I was in the Air Force, stationed at Grand Forks Air Force Base in North Dakota, the American Red Cross had a staff of one to serve the needs of the Air Force Base. Her name was Terry, and she had a heart as big as teh sunflower and sugar beet fields that stretched to the horizon in every direction in the summertime. Terry would do anything - anything - for her guys and gals. One very early morning she received word that there had been a death in the family of a friend of mine. She was over to the barracks as soon as she was off the phone, breaking the news to him and consoling him. This was when an airman was making something on the soft side of three hundred bucks a month, so we didn't have such luxuries as cars. But before the sun was up, Terry had him packed in her 57 Ford and was driving him through a fairly impressive blizzard down the the airport to catch a plane home. I came along to be with my friend. Terry's old Ford didn't have a heater, but it had wheels - and that was what mattered. She had tons of blankets inside, so we huddled under piles of them as we drove through the pre-dawn morning and still damn near froze to death. But she got my friend to the airport and saw him off, on his way home. Paperwork? No such thing. Terry took care of whatever needed to be done and none of her charges ever had to deal with it. Her personal mission was to do whatever she could for anyone on that base in need, whenever it needed to be done - period. No questions asked, no thanks necessary, no delays and I think above all - no hassle.

I have heard reports from some people who had to evacuate their homes during the recent fires out here. I have heard that if they arrived at an evacuation center where the Red Cross was already present, they would turn around and head to another evacuation center...because they knew that if the Red Cross had already established a presence at a given center there would be no hope of actually getting anything done. They knew they would find themselves mired in endless paperwork and bureaucracy and would have little chance of having sufficient documentation with them to meet all the necessary requirements in order to receive any sort of assistance. So they would move on to a shelter that hadn't gotten quite so organized yet - someplace where private citizen volunteers were still running the show and where, if they needed something and these caring neighbors had it, they got it.

On a seemingly opposite but closely related note, I was also told of an instance that happened fairly early on at the relief center set up at Qualcomm stadium. In their effort to organize the work that was going on there, an announcement was made over the stadium's PS system that relief workers were going to begin verifying the addresses and identities of those who were seeking aid - at which point several hundred people left the stadium. This was told to me with the strongly implied point that those who left were not peopke who had evacuated in the face of the fires, but were freeloaders who had shown up to take advantage of the aid being offered.

I have no way to verify either of these stories, but suspect there is at least some bit of truth to both of them. But taken together, to me they illustrate both what is wrong with our systems and why it has gone wrong. And I'd like to think about it and talk about it for a while.

What is wrong, I think, is that nearly every social service I can think of (and this includes govrnment at all levels, as government is a social service) has forgotten that their primary motto - and their very reason for existence - should consist of two words: Do Good. This is the mission, I believe, that should trump every other concern, every regulation, every response, every action, every procedural requirement - Do Good. If the choice is between meeting an immediate need and fulfilling a procedural requirement, meet the need. If it is between providing assistance and verifying eligibility, provide the assistance. If it is between seeing to the welfare of the public and ensuring the continued prosperity of one's own organization or party or power base - or one's self - see to the public welfare. Do Good. It is the primary reason for the existence of government, charitable organizations, and most every organized facet of society - including, I would suggest, businesses and corporations.

And one of the principle reasons I believe most organizations have forgotten that this is the function at the center of their existence is fear. Fear that someone will receive benefit from their effort to do good who does not deserve to receive that benefit. Fear that someone will take advantage. Fear that they will be ripped off. As a result, procedures are put in place to try to verify that someone who claims need has an authentic need. Forms are devised. Rules are implemented. And at a certain level of this reaction to potential abuse, the central mission of Do Good becomes supplanted. The mission becomes Fill Out the Forms. The mission becomes Adhere to the Procedures. The mission becomes Follow the Rules.

When this happens, it becomes detrimental to the ability of the organization to do good - potentially going so far as to completely inhibit the organization's ability to do anything constructive. And at some point along this progression - or I guess I should say, regression - the organization loses the public trust and becomes useless. Thus we have people seeking aid elsewhere when they see the Red Cross has set up shop. Thus we see FEMA, so completely lost in its perceived need to shore up its own battered image and justify its own existence that it orchestrates phony press conferences to tell us what a great job it's doing. Organizatons established for the primary purpose of doing good are handcuffed, strangled - and sometimes rendered totally ineffective - primarily as a result of fear.

There is a fundamental reality these organizations seem unable to grasp, and that is that when you are established with the charge to Do Good, you will be ripped off. People will take advantage of you. People who do not deserve your assistance will get it. People will trick you and con you and fool you. It is evidence of one of the seamy sides of the human condition, and it is unavoidable. I have some advice for these organizations.

Yes, you have a responsibility to do the best you can to ensure that the resources entrusted to you are distributed - as faithfully as possible - to those who authentically are in need of those resources. Yes, you should have procedures to help you meet that objective. But when the procedures you put in place become so top-heavy, so convoluted, so burdensome as to actualy prevent or deter those who have a genuine need from obtaining your assistance, your procedures have supplanted your principle charge to Do Good and your organization no longer fulfills its primary objective - and is no longer deserving of the public trust. You must strive to establish a delicate balance, but the balance must always err on the side of doing good. If it ever errs on the side of meeting the requirements or assuring the prosperity of the organization it has lost its effectiveness and must be restructured and refocused.

During the last round of fires to sweep through San Diego county four years ago the response of the county Red Cross chapter was so abyssmal that heads rolled. The national Red Cross relieved the county director of her duties and began searching for a replacement. I actually submitted a resume at that time, citing both my credentials with non-profit organizations and my distaster relief experience, mentioning that I had absolutely no local political ties that would impede my focus, and even offering to take the position at far less than half what they had been paying the previous director which, as I recall, was somewhere in the neighborhood of three hundred grand - an unconscionable salary for someone directing a non-profit organization. I apparently was so not what they were looking for that I never even got an acknowledgement.

I don't mean to be too hard on the Red Cross. Yes, I have seen it completely forget its principle mission. But I was also blessed to know Terry. And during the Midwest floods in 1993, as I stood with Jonna three feet from the raging waters of the Missouri River that was in the process of wiping the little town of Cedar City, Missouri off the face of the earth - a town that contained one of the churches Jonna was serving at the time - right beside us was a mobile Red Cross unit, and a mobile Salvation Arny unit, serving food and hot drinks to anyone and everyone - no questions asked, no identification required. The Red Cross - and other organizations - are perfectly capable of remembering the purpose of their existence. Do Good. But they need more people like Terry. Good hearted. Clear headed. And fearless.

In regard to the political arena, it has become incontrovertibly clear that both national political parties have abandoned their primary call to Do Good. It has also become evident that what has supplanted this mission is the furtherance and strength of the political party itself. Is there anyone at all out there who can argue that this is not the case? The now obsessive aim of both parties is not to Do Good; it is not to secure some vision of prosperity or safety or welfare of the nation as a whole - or even some subset of the populace. It is now - and unabashedly so - the domination and control of the nation's future by the party itself. Thus we see a Congress rendered completely powerless by its fear that doing those messy and sometimes contentious tasks that constitute its primary function in governance will damage its future potential for domination. Thus we see prospective leaders pandering to our fear, our greed and our self-interest - in the belief that these are the most powerful tools they have to control our vote and sustain their power. Even programs that clearly do much good are given short shrift because Congress itself is unable to stand up to the tactics of fear - some people might get what they do not deserve. Some people will take advantage. Some people will rip us off. The mandate to Do Good is lost to fear.

I haven't mentioned taxes yet, but it's another aspect of the fear and greed issue. The operation of government requires funding. Since the function of government, by its nature, does not involve activities that produce revenue, there are two ways I can think of whereby government can secure the funds necessary for its operation - charity and taxation. And since we have not yet reached a place in human development where our charitable nature can provide the funds needed for the level of governance we require, some form of equitable taxation is necessary. True, there will always be and should always be - discussion and refinement on the topic of what exactly is equitable, but as a citizen who recognizes the need for taxation I do not mind paying taxes to secure the level and quality of government I believe is necessary. But we have become so controlled by our fear, our greed and our self-interest that we have forced our politicians into a place where none of them are able to address the subject of taxation honestly. We require that every major candidate for office must somehow convince us that they will provide us better, more efficient, more responsive governance while at the same time requiring less revenue to do it. In order to make that ridiculous promise, we wind up mortaging the future of our grandchildren and our nation and moving farther and farther away from the mandate to Do Good.

At the same time, those who seek political office must fund their own effort. Today, this has become such a formidable task that a candidate must be either possessed of obscne personal wealth or somehow able to raise the necessary funds for their campaign through charity. This tends to produce candidates who are of a given economic class and thus representative of the concerns and perspective of that economic class - or candidates who are the recipients of the charity of those people and organizations who have the considerable capital that permits such charity. And it is also clear, again from the simple observation of human nature, that when such extreme levels of charity are extended, it is very often not really charity, but investment that expects to yield some future return from the candidate who has received the funding. As the effort to be elected becomes more and more expensive, the obvious problems of this method of funding become more and more difficult and detrimental.

We have moved well beyond the point where our candidates for national political office should be publicly funded - and this means additional taxation. But the alternative to public funding is a group of government officials who are more and more indebted to those with the capital to fund their election efforts as well as a group of candidates who are less and less representative as an economic and social class of the people they purport to serve. We are not headed there - we are lready there, and it is a good part of the reason why our elected officials seem incapable of doing those things the people of the country insist that they should do. Such as actually executing the duties of their office and their branch of government. Such as adhering to Constitutional and federal law.

Such as ending a war...and not starting another.

Wednesday, October 31: I've been busy schlepping people all over San Diego county lately, so I haven't had much time for anything but work and sleep. But I did have an encounter I wanted to relate.

Tonight I think I gave a young man an indelible Halloween memory. Keith and I are at the house by ourselves tonight and not exactly of an age or place in our lives where we make much of Halloween, so we weren't set up for trick-or-treating tonight. Besides, the house is on a dead end cul de sac without much traffic, so there seemed to be no sense in participating in the annual ritual. So we left the lights off tonight, which is a sure sign to most trick-or-treaters that they might as well bypass your place.

But not all of them, it seems. A little after seven I heard a bunch of young boys scrambling around outside, looking for the front door. Keith's place is fronted by lots of foliage, and the door is actually a door into an atrium area, surrounded on three sides by house and garage and fenced in front. Even in broad daylight the front door isn't easy to find if you don't already know where it is.

At any rate, the combination of no lights and an elusive entry didn't seem to be deterring these boys; they kept tromping around outside, looking for the door. Meanwhile, I was going to step out onto the patio for a while, but decided to leave the lights off so as not to encourage any more young'uns. The door to my room is probably about three feet away from the door into the atrium.

Just as I came to my door, one of the persistent group that had been searching for the front door happened to find it and, while rattling the locked knob, shouted, "Hey Jason, I think I found the front door!"

Then, in the pitch dark, no more than a yard away from him, I said - in a soft, low voice:

"Is there any particular reason you were looking for the front door?"

A quavering voice came back:

"Um, trick or treating?"

Again, soft and low:

"No, we're not doing that tonight."

Then quickly from the other side of the fence:

"OK" - and a rush of footsteps as the young man got out of there as fast as his feet would take him.

I really didn't do it on purpose - it just sort of happened. Jonna has always told me that when I talk soft and low like that I can sound very sinister, and I have no doubt that's exactly how I sounded this evening. A short encounter, but one that I expect the boy on the other side of the fence will remember for a long, long time. And I doubt that he and his friends will be looking for the doors to any other unlighted homes tonight.

Friday, October 26: I have a guest journalist this evening - Mr. Greyson Harris. We met Mr. Harris and his family (and journaled about the experience) when they were gracious enough to provide us a parking space and electric and water for Nessie as we were passing through Denton, Texas. It is our distinct pleasure to offer Mr. Harris' essay, which follows:

“Cleaning Up the Earth”

By: Greyson Anthony Harris, Kindergarten, Mrs. Stewart

As recited by Greyson and typed by his mother, Owen.

“My name is Greyson Anthony Harris. I am a Kindergartener and I am 5 years old and I go to Woodrow Wilson. I am a cleaner and that means a person who picks up the earth. I can make a difference for the earth by cleaning it up. I am just one kid that likes the earth. From cleaning up and responsibility and careness for the earth, one kid can make a difference.”

“All that you need is gloves, bags, and hard work. I put on the gloves in case there is something very yucky and gross. The bags are for putting the trash in. Hard work is something that you do and it’s a lot of work, that’s why it’s hard and not that easy. You need hard work for cleaning up because messes are hard. Huge messes of dirty trash and very bad, stinky trash are everywhere around North America. I am cleaning up the earth in Denton, in Texas. My neighborhood is called Nottingham Estates. My goal is to drive around and find spots to clean up. It only takes two minutes or maybe three or maybe four or maybe five to clean up dirty spots.”

“I am just one boy and I am cleaning up the earth. The End.”

Thank you, Greyson - you are truly a kindred spirit. May you never lose the conviction that one kid can make a difference.

Tuesday, October 23: Admittedly I'm restricted primarily to radio coverage for my news about the fire as I've been busy at work for the past few days, but I don't expect my experience would be any better had I had access to television. With our daughter packed and ready to bug out as the flames drift uncomfortably close to her home in Spring Valley, I've tried to keep track of the progress of the various fires, particularly the Harris fire moving west from Tecate toward Kari's place. But it's been extremely difficult to get a handle on what's happening with the fires because an overwhelming majority of the airtime has been spent on little speeches offered by everyone from the local dog catchr to the governor - and they're all wearing their hands raw patting each other on the back and praising the magnificent response each and every one of them has shown to this disaster.

Yes, the response has been magnificent. People have pitched in everywhere and volunteers are literally being turned away because there are so many. BUT...

Already the comparisons to Katrina are flowing copiously. Many of them implied, some of them explicit, and even the explicit ones fairly low key - but they are there. Isn't it wonderful how rapidly every level of government from the local to the federal has responded...This Time. Isn't it heart warming to see neighbor helping neighbor...This Time. Isn't inspiring to see the level of generosity and philanthropy coming forward...This Time. Isn't it refreshing to see how well people are behaving and how orderly things are progressing...This Time.

There is a terrible subtext to all these attaboys that I don't want to think about, and I hate to be the one to rain on the bright, gleaming parade, but I really think it becomes necessary to be mindful of a few otherwise too easily ignored facts. Such as:

We will conveniently forget that this is one of the reddest counties in a very blue state.

We will pretend not to notice that the demographics of those who are losing property in these fires lean so far toward caucasian and mid to upper level income as to topple over.

We will not notice that the average value of homes lost in these fires will easily top eight hundred grand and quite possibly be more in the million dollar range.

I could go on, but I think you get my drift. Anyone who dares summon the image of Katrina in the midst of this tragedy had better take another long, hard look at what they're saying.

While I'm in a curmudgeon mood I might as well bring up another sore spot produced by all of this. While the various shelters established to take in the people who have been evacuated from their homes were putting out a desperate call for supplies such as sleeping bags, air mattresses, pillows and so forth, there were a number of reports of people showing up at those shelters with precisely the items requested - and their donations being turned down because they were not brand new. Maybe I'm just getting too old and cranky, but I find this to be absolutely ridiculous. If there is someone in need of a comfortable place to rest or something to keep them warm on a cold coastal desert night, who gives a rosy red rat's rectum whether it's brand new or not? For crying out loud! How obsessive have we become if even our emergency supplies have to be sanitized for our protection? I can grudgingly understand - though I find it equally reprehensible - when they announce that donations of food must be commercially prepared and that homemade goods such as a box of cookies will be rejected, but I refuse to accept that the air mattress or blanket that has served me on a rip or two to the desert or mountains and is still in fine shape is not sufficiently pristine to be useful to someone in immediate need.

Guess I'm in a bad mood tonight. But you'd be too, I think, if you had been trying to find out all day long what kind of danger your daughter may be in and all you could discern is that the mayor, the city council people, the police chief, the fire chief, the governor, the lieutenant governor, the state representatives, the Congressional representatives, the senators, the emergency response officials, the forestry officials, the village officials and every other public servant in sight or earshot are all very, very proud of each other for actually doing in a reasonably competent fashion nothing more or less than what they are actually supposed to be doing.

Sunday, October 21: San Diego County is on fire again tonight. Four years ago - almost to the day - we evacuated the home we had in Lakeside in the face of fires that consumed a huge portion of the county. During the night the winds shifted and our home was spared - although the fire did come within about a mile and a half of us. This time there are two separate fires, one north of Ramona and one in Potrero. Trouble is, the Santa Ana winds have been blowing hot and steady, everything is tinder-dry, and the forecast is that there will be no letup in the winds for at least another day - possibly more. There's no hope of any control at this point and the fires are quickly eating up territory. It's a terrible shame. I have friends in both areas and know what they're going through tonight. Not only that, but I've done lots of hiking and exploring in both areas and it's beautiful countryside. It is so sad to think of all that natural wonder going up in smoke tonight. We can only hope at this point that mother nature will relent a bit and the damage will not become too great. I'm not personally threatened here in La Mesa tonight, but it's going to be a night of sleeping with one eye open and one ear listening.

Jonna had a brilliant idea the other day. She proposed that we ought to try to get the various peace groups together to mount a specific project as the elections approach. She thinks the peace organizations should work together to come up with three or four questions to ask each of the candidates for presidency - and then coordinate having representatives of the peace movement present at each and every appearance of candidates and ask these questions, over and over and over again - until it would force candidates through the standard sound bite responses to come up with solid, reasonable answers to those questions.

It would take some serious thought to come up with worthwhile questions, but I have to confess that I came up with one almost immediately:

Do you believe that the office of the president has the authority to circumvent the Constitution or federal law? If so, under what specific circumstances can the president override the Constitution or federal law and how, exactly, has the president been granted the authority to do so? If not, what is the appropriate response of Congress, the Supreme Court and the people if a president assumes the authority to circumvent the Constitution or federal law?

Seems to me to be a pretty good place to start.

Thursday, October 18: I had an enjoyable dinner meeting with some of the guys from the San Diego chapter of Veterans for Peace this evening, for which I was uncharacteristically late (I hate to be late for things!). We discussed a number of issues for several hours and I can only hope some productive things will come of the meeting.

In terms of recent news, I see that the Opportunist Occupying the Oval Office has decided to envision a world where he and the Democrats in Congress have found "common ground" on Iraq, while the Washington Post is reporting that we have Al Qaeda in Iraq on the run. My personal take on this latest alternate reality: if this is what it takes to declare that we have achieved some sort of victory in Iraq and that the president isn't really a blind and deaf megalomaniac - fine. If it brings our military out of Iraq I'll let them wrap it around anything they like. But...the cynic in me says that there is something else at work here. If they can conjure up a pretense of common ground and reinforce that by actually reducing (not removing) the military forces in Iraq, and if they can get us to buy that Al Qaeda in Iraq is on the wane, guess where the war on terror shifts next? Slightly eastward, of course. I can't help get the feeling that this is what the new rhetoric is about: scale back the forces in Iraq so we have enough available for another episode of adventurism, convince the public that Al Qaeda has now shifted its base from Iraq to Iran, and off we go into another pre-emptive war. I'm not going to ask on what basis it has been determned that Mr. Bush has found common ground with Congress; I'm not going to ask how, when our tactics have not changed one iota, the things we've been doing that have been creating more terrorists are suddenly creating fewer of them in Iraq. I'm not even going to ask if they actually believe we're dense enough to buy any of this. I will only ask if anyone out there remembers the nationalities of the nineteen people who perpetrated the terrorist attacks of 9/11 (in case you don't - fifteen from Saudi Arabia, two from the UAE, one from Egypt and one from Lebanon). And what have we done over the past 6 years to address the problem of terrorism in those countries? Just checking.

Meanwhile, that Democratic-controlled Congress for which you had such great hopes is unable even to rally an override of a veto of children's health care - the veto of a completely clueless and hapless president who has essentially no support from the citizens of America; the veto of the continuation and expansion of a program that has been enormously successful and one of the better humanitarian things our government has done in a long stretch. Even working in opposition to one of the two most unpopular presidents in U.S. History, even working on behalf of a popular, worthwhile program to assist children, this Congress cannot find the capacity to successfuly oppose a president who will take a few billion away from our children with one hand while simultaneously holding out the other to demand over ten times as many billions to continue to fund a war that should not be. Why are you not out in the streets?

Monday, October 15: I've been trying to keep too many balls in the air right now and it has begun to wear me down. Things are going well - I've been working like crazy at the job, writing like crazy on the book and doing everything I can to prepare for bringing Jonna and the guys back here and getting things settled for a bit. But it's a real scramble and I realize that something things are going to have to be prioritized for a while - some of the balls are going to have to get a little less time in the air so I can maintain both my sanity and my health. Since we haven't yet been able to acquire the authors we need for the new direction of the website I've decided that's one thing that's going to have to have some fermentation time. I don't want to put anything out there that's not fully fleshed out, so we're going to move the schedule back for now on revamping the site. This will help give me a little breathing space for now and the opportunity to continue to pursue it at a bit less frenetic a pace. Theresa's already done much great work on the design, but know she won't be heartbroken if I tell her that it's going to be a bit more time before we need to think about implementing it.

I haven't heard back yet on the book possibilities but am continuing to write, converting my journal and fleshing it out with other material into what I hope will be a very worthwhile offering. Jonna and I have had some other though in relation to the whole book thing as well, but I'm not quite ready to say anything yet about exactly what those thoughts are. Suffice it to say that our desire to speak out and do what we can to bring this nation back to is senses has not diminshed one single bit and we are still intent on finding ways we can be helpful to the process of reclaiming our republic.

In the middle of everything else, Becky and Joey moved since we stayed with them in Hannibal at the end of May. They're still in Hannibal. It's a long story, but they were in the process when we were with them of trying to purchase a home and move from their rental home. The process fell completely apart at the last minute - when mortgage money completely disappeared a couple of months ago - and after they had already moved out of their rental and were staying with Joey's mother while waiting to close on the house. They've since had to rent another place, where Jonna is now staying, but it turns out that their landlord is, well, a bit less than tightly wrapped. So as I write this Jonna is back in Hannibal helping the kids move - once again - into another rental place. It turns out that life is not only continually interesting for Jonna and myself, but we seem to infect our kids as well.

I actually have a day off tomorrow - unless they call at the last minute as so often happens in this line of work - so I'm hoping I can help Keith get some things done around here as well as continue working on the book. There are also some people I've been wanting desperately to see ever since I returned and haven't had a spare minute to do it, so maybe I can get that accomplished tomorrow as well. But for tonight I need to catch up on a little sleep to recharge myself. I promise I'll continue to keep everyone informed as events unfold.

Friday, October 12: I went for two days off but wound up with only one, as is often the case in this business. That's OK because it's helping to get us kick-started again, but there's still lots to be done. I burned a bit of midnight oil and got a couple of sample chapers ready for a book and sent them off - keep your fingers crossed for us. I also got most of the stuff done I needed time off for during yesterday and the first part of today, but still have a few things on the to-do list.

Tomorrow I'll have to turn in the rental car that Gloria so graciously provided for me, but it looks like things are going to work out alright. Keith has an old van he had been thinking about getting rid of and although it's been sitting for a couple of years we fired it up yesterday and it cranked just fine, so he's going to let me drive it for now as soon as we get the registration taken care of - which he may have done today if all went well. It's actually a really neat van; fixed up as a camper and just the sort of thing Jonna and I would love to have, so I'll be buying it from Keith as soon as we're able. O course at some point I want to look around for something for wrk that gets better gas mileage, but the van will be great for our little expeditions and for hauling the guys around all over the place.

We're looking at some time between the end of October and the middle of November as the time frame when Jonna's going to be able to join me here in San Diego. We're still trying to figure out whether it will be better for her to drive Nessie out here or for me to drive back and get them all and leave Nessie in Missouri for now. We'll see how things shake out.

Thursday evening I went, at Gloria's invitation, and share a speaking engagement with her in front of a class at UCSD. She's quite the evocative speaker and it went very well. I was rather amused when she went into a lengthy litany of resons why this president should be impeached. Afterward, as we sat with the professor and a couple of students over a sandwich, I told her that despite the thoroughness of her laundry list on impeachment I had immediately thought of at least two reasons she had missed.

I always enjoy talking to younger people, but there are moments when you really want to scream - or tear what little hair you have remaining out. One student asked Gloria who she was going to vote for. Without hesitation, Gloria exclaimed "Dennis Kucinich!" - whereupon another student, quite seriously, asked, "Who's Dennis Kucinich?" Gloria and eye just looked at each other for a brief second, then she shook it off and began educating the young man - and probably a few others in the class. Want to bet he knows who Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears are?

I see yet another retired general has admitted that Iraq is a fiasco - and has been all along. Will the last person to acknowledge what a horrible mistake our nation made please turn out the lights - in the White House - since that's where you're living?

Tuesday, October 9: I apologize for the sporadic postings lately, but things have really been piling up around here and it's been difficult to find time for everything. I've been working all sorts of weird hours to generate the income necessary to get Jonna and the guys back here and settled in and trying to get things in place for the revamp of the website. Meanwhile, since our life has been somewhat, um, chaotic(!) for the past year we've had an extension on filing our taxes and need to get that done by the 15th. Nessie's plates expired yesterday and I have to find out how to get them renewed with her out of state. At least she isn't on the road right now. On top of all of that we may have some serious interest in a book about our journey and I've been trying to put together a proposal for that, which includes writing a few sample chapters. With all the writing I've been doing that may not seem to be such a chore, but I've never done anything like this before and really want to be able to put my best foot forward. Anyway, that's on my mind and has suddenly become a priority which may put some delay into getting the new face of the website up and running. Wish us luck.

I think I may be finally scratching and clawing my way out from under the cold that's been beating me down for nearly a week now. We'll see how I feel in the morning. And speaking of morning - it's going to come awfully quick; my first pickup is at five in the morning, which means I have to get up at about 2:30 to be ready. So I gues it's past time for bed. Before I go, though - I happened to hear Mr. Brownback's comments from the Republican debate. He was talking about the "federalization" of Iraq. You've heard that somewhere before, haven't you? Told you so.

Sunday, October 7: The fix for my internet connection worked fine and I shouldn't have any more interruptions to my communications for a while. I had been working off of local hotspots ever since I got here until the other night when I couldn't get enough signal strength to get online. So I figured it was finally time to get out the software for my cellular modem and install it and start using the service I pay for anyway every month. I got the disk out and went through the installation process. At the end of the installation process I'm greeted with a screen that says the software is not compatible with Windows Vista and that I should check online for software updates. Does anyone see a problem with that? I'm trying to install software that will permit me to get online and it tells me that I need to check online for updates in order to use it. Hmmmm. Not only that, but apparently the process of installation messed up my other potential internet connections, as all the previously available hotspot connections now showed as "local only" network connections.

So the next day I called Cingular - now AT&T. Their first suggestion, of course, was to get online and download the new version. I explained that I couldn't do that. They then said they'd email me a fix. I noted that since I couldn't get online I couldn't check email, either. We finally worked around it by uninstalling the incompatible software which, thankfully, solved the "local only" network problem and allowed me to get online through a hotspot to download the new software version and install it. Sheesh. Anyway, I'm back up to speed now.

But I've been working like a dog...and sick as one as well. They dumped me back into the chauffeur business with a vengeance, which is good since I need to be generating as much income as I can to get to where Jonna and the guys can join me, but bad because it has left me precious little time for anything but working and sleeping. I did have a bit shorter day today and tomorrow should be fairly light...now if I can only shake this cold. It pretty much goes away during the day, but then grabs me by the sinuses in the evening and beats me up pretty good. I keep dosing myself up with all sorts of concoctions but haven't been able to competely shake it yet.

Theresa and I are working on the website redesign and I'm still looking for writers for several of the areas of dialogue. Don't be shy! I've emailed the Imam of the Islamic Center of San Diego to see if he might be interested in launching the Muslim/Christian Relationships dialogue but haven't heard back yet - I think he'd be an excellent contributor if he's willing.

My biggest problem right now is that need about fifty hours in a day. There's a terrible lot to do right now and between work and the cold there just hasn't been the ability to jump on top of everything that needs to be handled. But we'll keep on chugging along, just like the walk - one step at a time.

Friday, October 5: Just a quick note to let everyone know I'm fine. I've been battling (yet another) internet communication problem the last couple of days which has kept me offline and unable to post or respond to emails. I think I've got it fixed tonight but wanted to get this posted before I try the final step just in case it blows me out of the water again. Back to work yesterday and today and they have me going full blast right out of the gate. Still battling the cold - thanks for the suggestions on how to get rid of it - I've been following them. I miss Jonna and the guys somethign fierce, but have been keeping too busy for it to be weighing on my mind too badly. I have another very early day again tomorrow, so once I post this and try the final step in my software fix I'm calling it a day whether the fix is successful or not!

Tuesday, October 2: OK, I know I'm supposed to start a new month for the journal here, but I'll see if I can figure out how to do that tomorrow. I was extremely fortunate in making it all the way across the country without having to take a single day off from the walk due to a cold or sickness of any kind - and tonight, when I'll be starting back to work in a couple of days, I have that scratchiness at the back of my throat and the fuzzy head and runny nose...you know what I'm talking about. So very shortly I'm going to dose myself up with a Nyquil clone and crawl under a warm blanket and hope I can catch it before it gets nasty.

Other than that it has been a great day. I did another interview this morning with Dwane Brown from KPBS, the San Diego NPR station. After the interview he took me around and introduced me to the producer of "These Days", one of their longer format shows. It would be great if I got a chance to do something there. This afternoon I had the opportunity to speak at a Barak Obama rally and was extremely well received there, and then drove up to the San Diego Veterans for Peace meeting and talked a bit and answered questions there. It was all a very, very good day with some wonderful people, but it's time for me to go take care of myself for a bit. Before I do, I promised some people at the Obama rally that I would post the little speech I gave at the rally here in the journal. Those of you who have been following me for some time will recognize that part of the speech is from a speech I didn't have the opportunity to give in Dallas, part of it is some observations I made along the way, and part of it was written specifically for this event. That may seem a bit cobbled together, but as I sat down the other night to think about what I would say it all seemed to fit together very well and be thoroughly appropriate. So here it is, as promised:I am truly grateful for the opportunity to speak to you today. I am nobody special, but I did just complete a special journey, and I would like to share with you a few of the experiences and insights I gained along the way.On November 4th of last year my wife and I sold our home in Lakeside and most of our possessions, bought a 23 year old camper, and I set out on foot from San Diego, carrying a petition asking Congress to officially end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and restore the Constitutional balance of power between the executive and legislative branches of our government. My wife drove the camper, accompanied by our two dogs, as my support vehicle and, on August 18th, after 3,185 miles of walking, I arrived in Washington, D.C.I planned my walk to pass through smaller towns and travel along secondary roads most of the way and saw many, many places I've never seen before. I saw one thing in many places that particularly impressed me. In the center of many small towns across America I found an open square surrounded by local businesses. In the center of the square would invariably be an impressive, stately old building, often the tallest building in the town. I realized as I walked into these towns that if the building had a cross or some other religious symbol on their towers they would obviously have been magnificent cathedrals. But these buildings do not display a religious symbol. If anything, they have a huge clock near their peaks. These are the city halls and county seats of America, and most of them are lovingly preserved.These buildings speak of a time when government was absolutely central to the lives of the citizens. It was here where local justice was served. It was here where dedicated men and women did their best to bring the Consitution of the United States of America into direct connection with the local barber, the local shopkeeper, the local rancher. It was here where the average citizen most directly touched America, and it was a place treated with respect, diginity and, yes, reverence. When people came to these buildings - and they did so often - they knew they were about important business and that their presence there and their participation was valuable to their city...and their country.If there is anything we need to reclaim from the past, it is this sense of direct participation - and direct responsibility - in the affairs of our nation. Shortly after the Constitution was drafted, someone asked Benjamin Franklin, "What have you wrought, sir?" Mr. Franklin replied, "A republic - if you can keep it." That injunction has now been passed on to us. We have a republic - if we can keep it. And I have been trying to sound a simple warning that we barely have a republic now, and are in grave danger of losing it altogether if we do not dedicate ourselves to keeping it. I do worry that America will go the way of Camelot - a bright, shining dream that died before it ever was able to fully become a reality.While we were on our journey my wife and I did a lot of thinking, and talking, and reading. We stopped one day and picked up a book that is probably familiar to many of you. It is called "The Audacity of Hope", written by a man by the name of Barak Obama. And my wife fell in love. She found a man in the pages of that book who remembers America and has a clear vision of what our nation is about and how it should be governed. But I have to be honest with you. As the weeks and months unfolded and the various candidates appeared before the cameras and communicated with the public, she became more than a little bit frustrated. She wanted more than anything else to search out Mr. Obama, and to walk up to him and say, "I just finished reading this wonderful book by a man of great integrity and vision - and I think you might want to take a look at it." She was not hearing what she was expecting to hear. The insane process that now leads to our choice of presidential candidates was taking its toll and obscuring the message she had hoped would be brought forward.And she was frustrated. Because as I walked across the country we were also looking for something. We were looking for leaders.We were looking for leaders whose first allegiance is not to political party or personal fortune, but always and only to the Constitution of the United States of America.We were looking for leaders whose primary concern is not for the people of their district or the people of their state, but for the people of this planet - and for the planet itself.We were looking for leaders who know that when the founders of this nation wrote that all of us are created equal and are endowed with certain inalienable rights they were not talking only about Americans, but about all of humanity.We were looking for leaders who at last seek to learn from our history and our mistakes - and vow to do everything in their power not to repeat those mistakes.We were looking for leaders who recognize that admitting a mistake is not a sign of weakness, but rather a clear sign of strength, maturity and wisdom.We were looking for leaders who have the sense to understand that when they stoop to the rhetoric of fear, intolerance, prejudice, arrogance and hatred - they have lost their way and are no longer deserving of the public trust.We were looking for leaders who can comprehend that when you employ the tactics of the enemy you become the enemy.We were looking for leaders who are smart enough to know the difference between supporting our troops and supporting the misbegotten mission of their commander in chief - and brave enough to articulate that difference.We were looking for leaders who are aware that when they authorize the use of tactics of war they will have the blood of our sons and daughters - and untold numbers of innocent foreign citizens - on their hands for all eternity.We were looking for leaders who realize that war is not a tool to be used to shape the political landscape or appease corporate interests, but war is a terrible, loathesome and evil thing that always demonstrates an abject failure of leadership.We were looking for leaders who can see that as long as we are engaged in the actions of war we cannot possibly explore any of the other actions available to us when we seek to resolve an international crisis.We were looking for leaders who understand that, when the primary cause of instability in Iraq is the presence of our military forces, sending more military forces in to try to stabilize the country is the equivalent of pouring gasoline on the fire to try to put it out.We were looking for leaders who acknowledge that they are not the deciders, but rather - in this great nation - it is We, the People who are the deciders - and that if and when they become unresponsive to We, the People, it is not only our right, but our solemn obligation to immediately remove them from office.And you may find it difficult to believe, but we found a leader who possesses all of the qualities we had been looking for. We found a leader who has both the vision and the power to right the wrongs that have been inflicted on our nation, to steer us to a bright, promising future, to instill new hope, new strength and new passion within us and rekindle the beacon of American greatness that will inspire and unite the world in its pursuit of peace and stewardship. That leader is here with us tonight. That leader is you - the citizens of America.

We discovered that you have not lost the dream - you remember what this nation is about, you have the wisdom to perceive when you are being misled and manipulated, and you have the determination to make things right and make our nation whole. You also have the power, as citizens of this grand republic, to steer its course responsibly. As you now strive to invest that incredible power in Mr. Obama as your representative, I ask you - I implore you - to remember that the power remains yours - and you must continue to use it to propel the man you support in the direction you know he needs to go. Continue to hold him accountable; continue to remind him of who he is - and who you are - so that he may not lose sight of the goals you strive to achieve through him. Remember that your office - the office of citizen - is the most powerful office in the grand experiment that is democracy, and its responsibilities neither begin nor end at the voting booth. Do everything you can to keep your candidate true to himself and true to us because this is the way forward. America will learn from her mistakes and regain her glory when her people reclaim their authority and faithfully exercise their power to guide their chosen representatives toward governance that is true to the principles upon which she is founded - the principles which form her soul - the principles which make her great.


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